Something Else, Something More

My parenting skills run between the urgent, "We need to do something!"and the slothful, "Do we have to do something?" with my reaction to most events in life being something like, "We should have done something more."  and "Why didn't we do something?"  and when the kids do something spectacular, being in awe and thinking, "I've done nothing to merit this."

"They're something.  They're something special."   Yesterday, they were something.

The other day, I had a mountain of paperwork. It had taken over my room, and it took all day to clear it out.  I was stressed.  So stressed, my oldest daughter told me, my aura of stress permeated the house.  She told me to sit for five seconds.  I started doing the dishes.  She told me to sit on the couch for five minutes. I started folding the clothes.  She told me to stop.  She said, "You're tired. You're actually, exhausted." She took out her phone.  "For optimum results, you need either a twenty, fifty or ninety minute nap."  She explained the results of 1) refreshed, quick wake up, 2) refreshed, quick wake up, improved memory, 3) refreshed, quick wake up, improved memory, actual rest.

When I objected the third time, she set the timer and sent me to my room.

While I slept, they scurried, all of them about the house.  There was a post-it on my door.  DO NOT ENTER UNLESS DEAD! to cut out the psuedo emergencies several children created to gain access.

The oldest son went out with the mission, procure dinner.

The rest of the children...folded and got rid of the laundry.  There had been 8 baskets and three couches plus the floor covered.  It now looks like this: 

They also cleared off the table near the front, the table that had been bulging with papers and files and notebooks and book bags and I don't know what else.  Two daughters remade it into a prayer table.  It now looks like this:

And to top it all off, they left a note for me on the dry erase board.

This: 

We sat, said grace and feasted.  The kids had pizza.  Two of the older ones had wings, and I had a Stir Fry Japanese Noodle bowl with pot stickers from Noodles and Company.   They also bought me a diet coke.  

Sometimes, reality breaks your heart with love.   And when it does, it's really something else.  Something more.  Have a great Friday!

Small Success Thursday over at Catholicmom.com!

It's Thursday, come join us! Count your blessings!

This is My Hairshirt

One of my near occasions of sin, is housecleaning.  I hate it. I'm not good at it, and with ten children, short of winning the lottery, it will be a daily demand of my life. 

It's not that I haven't assigned chores, taught people how to make beds or put away clothing. It's not that they don't know to only eat at the table, to not stockpile wet towels or to put the cap back on the tooth paste.  It's that, there are 10 of them.  They all have different thought patterns.  Those thought patterns get interrupted in the best of times by other people knocking on the bathroom door, by people bringing in a tea set for an impromptu party, by the music on the radio, by the fight going on in the other room, by colors, by lights, by seasons, by everything.  

For years, I tried different techniques. 

Clean for 15 minutes (beat the timer).  But I have some kids who are gamers.  They figured out long ago who wins with that project, and thus ignore the time and the challenge entirely or go so slow that every other kid tries to top them in slowness and I have an uncleaned room at the end of 15 minutes with giggling kids who outsmarted mom in the process. 

Allowance.  I'm proud they're detached about money, but it would be nice if a bribe ever worked.

Nuclear Mom Melt Down in Five MINUTES!!!!!!!START CLEANING NOW!!!!!!  Frankly, this takes way too much energy and leaves everyone miserable.  Mom HULK SMASH is a non starter. 

But it still left the gritchy unpleasant person on Saturday when everyone else was sleeping in, watching cartoons or playing cards and me cleaning.   It was a rut spiritually speaking. 

I started doing a daily patrol.  I'm like Batgirl, only cleaning.   For a time it worked.   But I'd discover an apple core, a juice box, hidden piles of laundry, toilets that are not speakable, and that meant, I was mad every day for a time.  Again, we're back at Mom mad at kids...not good. 

So I turned to my namesake saint, Saint Margaret, who prayed through the raising of her six children.  So I tried doing the rosary, but it wasn't quite sufficient to the task.  I'd finish praying before the home was done.  I tried pop music.  But sometimes the tunes weren't good.  Finally, I tried the radio mass at 10:00.  This was great, because it meant I didn't start until ten, but I finished by 11 and wasn't mad.  It worked. It stemmed my ego from it's desire to go nuts over a fiber-one bar wrapper, cheese stick plastic, four cups, two water bottles and a bathroom finger painted with Colgate.  

For several weeks, it worked. 

Except my ego is restless.  Sin works that way, if one method is failing, it goes another. I started feeling funky like I was morphing into 24-7 Catholic Mom...becoming a sort of Catholic Mary Poppins...bleah.  Still, I told myself, it had worked.

But today I was running late, it was hard to get going.  I didn't get going.  Mass was basically over when I started my patrol today so I put on the pop music station.  Train was playing.  Great!  I'm cleaning. I'm cool. I'm not utterly boring...I've got it going in three rooms.  I've even gone one better and put away their clothes and organized one child's drawers so he can't tell me he doesn't have shirts.  I'm feeling the love....then the DJ comes on.  "Hey...come join me on Facebook and vote for which undies I should run in in the upcoming 10K for Charities...sponsored by Trousseau's..."  I stopped.  That actually had been said by a woman. 

That was the stupid toxic nature of the airways that wasn't considered shocking in any way...and I was supposed to be the prig for thinking that a woman shouldn't be proudly announcing, I'm going to be mostly naked but it's for a good cause...

My heart hurt for all those who would see nothing wrong with this, for my children who get to grow up in this toxic sludge for sensibilities absent an alternative.  My brain sluggishly clicks into gear. Sherry it solved your problem.  It stopped you from being a self absorbed housecleaning martyr in service of your self while serving your children.   What more did you want?   To not need the grace to get through this?   Well, this is your hair shirt.  You may hate doing this, but you are trying to do it with love, because you love them.   So, what more did you want?

Nothing. 

I get it. Go back to the mass.  I'll be there tomorrow, and I promise, I won't touch that dial.  
  

Preparing for the Feast

Thanksgiving can be a stressful holiday, with the fattening stressful mix of intense cooking, intense cleaning, visiting relatives and the hard push of the TV, only the 32 days until Christmas, how do we make this holiday a day of blessed sacred time? By following the Saints, Saint Mary in being present and in awe of Jesus, and Saint Martha and being the hands and feet that prepare the feast out of love for others, love for Christ.

1) Invite your family and friends and ask them to each bring a dish for the meal that means something in their family tradition. Follow Christ's advice to Saint Martha, "Don't be anxious." about making everything perfect. Let guests participate in the preparations. Sharing recipes from their history is part of the joy of creating and passing on tradition. It lets you be both a gracious giver and receiver of the meal (a good moral lesson of the holiday). If it is just your family, let each family member prepare one of the things for the meal, even if it is crescent rolls or cranberry jelly in a can.

2) Prepare a parallel giving. Thanksgiving is about giving thanks. Part of what we are thankful for, is our own posterity. Ergo, giving to make someone else’s Thanksgiving memorable fits perfectly with celebrating this great American Tradition. Check out your local food pantry program to donate and let your little children bring the groceries in to the place. They will shine with gratitude for the opportunity. If you have older children, ask if you can help serve. Washing other peoples’ feet is a great way to demonstrate to your family, we are called to serve first. It will also set the table for your own meal, by making you fully grateful for the feast you are about to receive.

3) Go to mass on Thanksgiving before you cut into the Turkey. You’ve got at least 4 hours before the meal, the games aren’t until the afternoon and tryptophans will send you into a food coma at some point in the afternoon. Going to mass as a family to give thanks harkens back to the beginnings of this tradition and our Liturgy of the Eucharist is a Thanksgiving meal every time. It is the choosing of the better portion. What could be more appropriate?

4) Play ball. Our family has the annual turkey classic before dinner: The Gorillas vs. the Wolves. Our oldest 4 children pride themselves in being undefeated, while my husband and I plus the four younger eligible for play have scored moral victories over the years with legendary tackles that were supposed to be touch and passes that somehow displayed supernatural grace influenced the outcome. God had to put that ball in my hand. There’s no way I should have caught it. I know me. It makes for an annual tradition of bragging rights, boasts, good humor and stories that will live long after we stop using the back yard as a grid iron.

5) Count your blessings. At the dinner table, come with a notepad (not a laptop), and record what each person is grateful for this year. The thanks will flow along with the wine and the gravy. Then date the list, have everyone sign it and mail it to yourself for next year to recall the blessings of the past. In addition to providing everyone with the moment to consider what all we have to be grateful for, you will have a permanent record of the memory. (We put the score from the family turkey football classic on that page too).

Lastly, when the pie has been served, when all of the business of the Holiday has passed, recognize that we live in a blessed land where every year, we stop. We gather with family and friends. We feast and we give thanks to God for all we receive, for all of these gifts that so often, we take for granted. Thank God for this gift of our home. Say Grace after meal to remember, God is good. God is Great. God is Love. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God.

Living this Year of Faith

October 11th starts the year of faith, the Bishops have suggested that we spend the next 365 days delving deeper into our relationship with Christ and her Church. That sounds fine enough, but how?
Here are a few methods for turning this year of faith into a rich experience. The goal is to grow so pick a few that will stretch your soul and steel your faith.

100. Go to mass more regularly. If you do not go weekly, begin. If you go weekly, try for a daily.
99. The rosary. If not a whole one a day, a decade a day.  Grow into it as the year progresses.
98. Pick a saint, learn about them. Read their writings, know what made their lives sanctified.
97. Begin reading from the Old Testament regularly.
96. Sing at mass.
95. Perform a Corporal act of mercy --feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick.
94. Brush up on your church history.
93. Watch Catholicism, the series
92. Go to a Theology on tap series.
91. Receive the sacrament of Reconciliation.
90. Start saying The Divine Mercy Chaplet.
89. There are 35 doctors of the Church, look through them for the right specialist, then read that Doctor's writings for the year.
88. Practice spiritual acts of mercy.
87. Fast.
86. Read the daily readings online or via the Magnificat.
85. Pray with your family.
84. Adoration. Give an hour a week.
83. Give a little more of yourself at mass.
82. Give a little more in charity.
81. Surrender some time for others by volunteering.
80. Try the Total Consecration to Jesus Christ through Mary
79. Make a pilgrimage to a Cathedral or Basilica.
78. Visit a hospital, shut-in, or prison.
77. Place a crucifix on your wall in your home.
76. Listen to a Catholic speaker/Catholic radio.
75. Create deliberate beauty in your home.
74. Practice real forgiveness.
73. Find a spiritual director.
72. Create a spiritual bouquet.
71. Read a book from the New Testament.76. Listen to a Catholic speaker/Catholic radio.
70. Pray with your children.
69. Pray with your spouse.
68. Pray for your children.
67. Pray for your spouse.
66. Familiarize yourself with the catechism.
65. Listen to some of the great music of the mass.
64. Serve in your parish in some capacity with the liturgy.
63. Give something up.
62. Invite someone to come eat and share your faith with them.
61. Invite priests or nuns to come and dine and share their faith with you.
60. Abstain from meat on Friday as a little sublimation.
59. Tithe.
58. Be a part of the Liturgy of the Hours.
57. Research a lay order you might consider joining.
56. Read a psalm a day.
55. Discover the joy of Catholic writers like Percy, Chesterton and O'Connor.
54. Find and follow a daily meditation, like the three minute retreat, Pope Benedict XVIth's Reflections for day to day, or A Year in the Life of Saint Paul.
53. Take in great Catholic art.
52. Catholic bloggers, discover them.
51. Be present to your family, your friends, everyone.
50. Meditate on the 7 Dolors of Mary daily.
49. Participate in the seasons of the Church.
48. Teach CCD.
47. Learn the parts of the mass.
46. Become politically active and involved on Catholic issues.
45. Sacrifice something like diet coke or fast food, consider it a cross of toothpicks.
44. Ask God for something.
43. Work earnestly in all things.
42. Keep holy the Sabbath day.
41. Pray for those in purgatory daily.40. Foresake a bad habit you think you can't.
39. Wear the cross or crucifix.
38. Review the readings prior to the mass.
37. Get to mass on time.
36. Stay to the end.
35. Attend a mass said by a Bishop or Cardinal.
34. Read the letters/notes from the Bishop or Cardinal in your area.
33. Recite an act of Contrition every day.
32. Count your blessings.
31. Offer up your pains, struggles and petty grievances.
30. Cheer someone up.
29. Provide prayerful witness for the unborn.
28. Remove occasions of sin from one's life, even sins of convenience.
27. Reconcile with an estranged acquaintance, friend or family
26. Failing that, pray for the estranged acquaintance, friend or family.
25. Prepare a feast for your family. Invite the estranged.
24. Seek to have a family rosary once a week.
23. Love your spouse well.
22. Love your children well.
21. Create a Marian Garden as a place of prayer for your home, or a prayer table.
20. Take an online course on some aspect of your faith that you know to be weak, the Sacraments, Church History, apologetics.
19. Pray for the intentions of the Pope.
18. Do what is necessary for an indulgence.
17. Participate in a Novena.
16. Form or join a prayer group.
15. Attend other sacraments, like Holy Orders, Marriage and Confirmation, pray for those receiving them.
14. Go on a retreat.
13. Pray with your children before they go to bed.
12. Listen.
11. Keep a spiritual diary.
10. Visit a cemetery, pray for the deceased.
9. Subscribe to a Catholic magazine, read it when it comes, cover to cover.
8. Clean out your closet. Give away half. joyfully.
7. Live within your means. Give the excess away.
6. Dress beautifully and modestly.
5. Honor your father and mother in prayer, thought and deed.
4. Invite someone to come to mass with you.
3. Reaffirm what it means to be Catholic, what identifies you as Catholic.
2. Do all things great and small with great love.
1. Receive the Eucharist frequently.

Lastly, whatever you do, whether with a willing heart or merely a dutiful flesh, do. Sometimes the heart follows, sometimes the heart leads. Ours are faiths smaller than 1/1000'th a mustard seed. But perhaps this year, we can grow them to move the molehills if not mountains.

100 Blessings

This week is Thanksgiving.  We should give thanks.  Even in this economy, with all the unrest, all the agitation in our society, we should be overwhelmingly grateful.  A friend of mine starts her day counting her blessings before she even puts her feet on the ground.  What a way to start every day!  She is also (no coincidence) one of the most grounded people I know. 

It isn't cliche to count your blessings because we so often forget to do this, that it isn't a common practice.  Rather, it's common to Not count your blessings, to take them for granted and presume that they are somehow acknowledged in the non-acknowledging of the gifts in one's life.  We need moments like Thanksgiving, and older traditions and celebrations than this, to remind us to think beyond today and tomorrow, to think about our past and about all the things in our everyday that give the everyday salt, light, heat, truth and beauty.

Numbering these was done only to keep count and in no way designates priorities, because all of them are simply blessings; simply things and people and experiences for which I feel tremendous grattitude, some serious, some not so, all blessings that bring joy, comfort, and make the day no matter what the day, Thanksgiving.

100. Being alive.
99. Chocolate.
98. My health.
97.  My children.
96. Flowers.
95. Our Parish.
94. Answered prayers.
93. Old friends.
92. New friends.
91. Listening to my children play music.
90. Watching my youngest daughter learn to dance.
89. Date night.
88. Having my best friend/husband of 21 years.
87. My inlaws.
86. My parents.
85. My brothers
84. My sister.
83. my 2 nephews and 7 nieces.
82. my extended family
81. my degree.
80. Good books.
79. snow.
78. the rosary.
77. the beach --Caplen, Texas.
76. homemade pumkin pie
75. this country.
74. our house.
73. the 24-7 Christmas music radio station even though it started before Advent because it brings my littlest children great joy.
72. 18 years of being a stay at home mom
71. phone calls from family and friends.
70. mail that isn't bills.
69. foot rubs.
68. writing
67. the level of wit and education of my children, always delights.
66. the occasional talent to shock my children by proving 1) I can paint and 2) I can dance.
65. a sense of humor.
64. going to see sporting events.
63.  Unexpected good music that somehow makes wherever you are, a more perfect moment.
62. mass.
61. the school that shelters and educates and has loved all my children.
60. flowers that still bloom in November.
59. Seeing deer with full antlers still makes me watch with a touch of awe.
58. Soup that cooks all day.
57. Warm fires on cold nights.
56. the way the kids love to decorate for every holiday by making 1000 pictures to tape on the walls.
55. the feeling after exercising.
54. getting enough sleep.
53. unanticipated art --in architecture, displays, flashes of deliberate beauty both manmade and not.
52. listening to my husband read to the children for bedtime.
51. when the older ones do the dishes or some chore unasked.
50. when any of them do a chore because it is asked.
49. All the things I've yet to learn.
48. freedom
47. being asked to pray for someone.
46. seeing my children grow in grace and wisdom.
45. occasionally experiencing it myself.
44. when I don't give in to fatigue.
43. seeing the generosity of those around me.
42. miracles.
41. dreams told over the breakfast table.
40. rediscovering talents that have laid fallow.
39. discover new ones.
38. sunrise.
37. sunset.
36. the gifts that each child has.
35. the gifts that each child requires of me.
34. the gifts that each child reveals I need.
33. vine ripe tomatoes
32. shooting stars.
31. sensible advice
30. Having a four day weekend.
29. Sleeping in.
28. Being on time.
27. unexpected presents.
26. visits from friends.
25. finding a lost earing/shoe/brush/picture/paper/book.
24. eating together as a family.
23. playing football outside.
22.  drinking hot red raspberry tea inside.
21. seeing one of my kids lost in a book.
20. being asked to play by them.
19. the seasons of the Earth
18. the seasons of the Church
17. the promise of Summer.
16. finding that perfect gift for someone.
15. good photos.
14. recognizing and then making time because someone needs it.
13. giving a rub  Paul puts my hand on his back or feet when I put him to bed, and when I pull back to leave, he grabs my hand and says, "Mommmm" so I know, he wants to be rubbed to sleep.
12. having your baby fall asleep in your arms.
11. the night sky
10. being invited out to do something.
9. the beautiful state we live in.
8. cooking for my family and having it well received.
7. learning new things.
6. winning when I play cards or chess -rare either way.
5. getting better at playing the piano.
4. the kind people who are educating Paul so well.
3. 45 years of life that feels almost luminous, it has been so fun.
2. having so many people to love.
1. the Eucharist

Small Success Thursday!

It's Thursday so it's the day to count our blessings! 

Today we celebrate all the little victories that go into the vocation of living a life as filled with love as possible.  So we stop to recognize that each teaspoon of ourselves that we measure out for others, matters.

With that, here is how anyone can participate.  If you have a blog, post your small successes from the past week in your blog and then link here using Mr. Linky below.  If you don't, post your successes in the com box.  Then, visit the good folks who posted here and are linked to be inspired, awed, impressed, moved and encouraged.

Know that none of us are alone in the struggle not to be overwhelmed by minutia.

So without further adeiu, this week I:

1)  worked on Helen.  Not just here and there, I added 4,610 words. Plus I edited.  I've set a goal of 1,000 words a day. Some days it's more, some days it's less, but the process generates more words.  So I'm very excited.

2) What a family! Last night there was a flash flood and water started building up in the well of the basement window.  My husband jumped in and started bailing.  My oldest son and daughter and I took turns carting the bins of water (oh am I stiff today) to the driveway where it could run downstream.  My second daughter gathered towels and moved everything away from the window.  It took an hour but we saved the basement! 

3) One week of college, high school and grade school all at once, down.  (I'm gratetul for the grade school breaking it to us gently by 2 four day weeks in a row). 

4) Had a date with my husband this weekend!  Now that school is started up again, I need this more than ever; just to keep from being overwhelmed by laundry and schedule. Plus it's fun!

5) The Beaumont Enterprise is going to run my Flat Stanley piece, and the issue of Faith & Family with my article in it was mentioned in a podcast (Go to last Friday's post for the link) and is coming out soon (September Issue)!

6) Reading a book that I love, Bird by Bird by Anne LaMont!

7) Went to the sacrament of Reconciliation this week, always lifts my spirit even if the basement is flooding (ugh), we have a nasty schedule (double ugh) and one kid is sick (tripple ugh).  Got to go take her to the doctor's today, so I'll check in with you folks this evening!

Now it's your turn!  ARRGH! Blogger ate my Mr. Linky!!!! How annoying.

Creating and/or Finding Beauty

In this down economy, we need beauty more than ever to keep our spirits buoyant.  Creating beauty requires effort, energy and love.  It is an imitation of God's creativity and imagination, to will to create loveliness. As moms, we often are giving and doing a bit of triage parenting/housekeeping to manage everything, but that sort of labor can drain the life out of us and make the very acts of service drudgery.  For service to be joy, we must willfully engage in countering the temptation to just go through the motions.

So here's a helpful summer list for the most part in no particular order, to help you add a bit of extra to your day that will lighten your own and others spirits.  Feel free to add to it in the com box.

100.  Pray.  Stop and really pray for each person you must interact with today.
99. Cut flowers and put them on the table.
98.  Write a letter to someone. (not an email).
97.  Read a story to a child.
96.  Sing with the radio in the car.
95.  The shampoo that smells good and the good conditioner you save for special occasions, use it every day instead. 
94.  Go to bed on time. 
93.  Put on classical music.
92.  Empty one junk drawer. 
91.  Hug.
90.  Call a friend you've been meaning to visit and set a date and keep it.
89.  Use the good china.
88.  Start a book you've been keeping by your bed.
87.  Take your family to a park for a hike.
86.  Get produce from the side of the road.
85.  Grow herbs or flowers or vegetables from seed.
84.  Donate some items to charity.
83.  Smile.
82.  Teach your children a card trick or card game.
81.  Schedule a classic movie night complete with popcorn. 
80.  Videotape your kids.
79.  Stomp in puddles.
78.  Put on makeup if you do, and jewelry that you love.
76.  Make a bed for someone else.
75.  Eat good chocolate.
74.  Add a glass of wine to dinner.
73.  Plan a date with your husband.
72.  Volunteer to help with something in the future.  Make sure you follow through.
71.  Put seed in the bird feeder.
70.  Water the garden, drink from the hose and spray the kids while you do. 
69.  Dance.
68.  Lend a favorite book to a friend.
67.  Garnish your dinner.
66.  Make dessert.
65.  Prune a tree.
64.  Change the sheets and fluff the pillows.
63.  Read the daily readings or adopt a prayer regimen like the Rosary that keeps you mindful of where all this comes from.
62.  Paint nails.
61.  Cook food on the grill.
60.  Listen to baseball on the radio outside.
59.  Drive with the windows down.
58.  Go to a stream and skip rocks.
57.  Make smores.
56.  Dust and declutter the room you spend the most time in, make it welcoming.
55.  Exercise with your spouse or children.
54.  Go outside.
53. Give someone in your family who needs it, an unsolicited foot rub.
52. Phone your folks.
51.  If you play an instrument, break it out and practice for 20 minutes.
50.  Count your blessings. 
49.  Slip a note in your spouse's lunch.
48.  Throw out old socks.
47.  Play on your children's level.
46.  Flag down the ice cream truck.
45.  Donate that giant coin jar to a charity.
44.  Bring some food to the pantry program in your area.
43.  Use a tablecloth on a non holiday occasion.
42.  Dress up for no occasion.
41.  Paint something.
40.  Count how many days until the next anniversary/birthday, plan something special.
39.  Take one kid out for a special date, even if it's just to 7-11 for slurpees.
38.  Get a haircut before it becomes a desperate issue.
37.  Tuck each child in.
36.  Start a  pillow fight.
35.  Make smoothies for everyone.
34.  Watch a sunset/sunrise depending on if you have morning doves or night owls. 
33.  Blow raspberries on your baby's belly.
32.  Start a diary.
31.  Have a race with your kids.
30.  Go to adoration.
29.  Light the candles that smell good instead of saving them for some occasion.
28.  Fast from little something every day even if you only make it half the day.
27.  Kiss the boo-boos. Apply band-ades liberally.
26.  Introduce your children to a rite of summer, a book, a blanket, an apple and outside.
25.  Go to a park with swings.
24.  Let your kids play in the sink.
23.  Let your children help cook.
22.  Use bubble bath more often.
21.  Have a water gun fight.
20.  Go berry picking.
19.  Spend a day screen free.
18.  Play a board game with your older children.
17.  Give the benefit of the doubt.
16.  Apologize if you haven't.
15.  Phone, skype, or face to face visit if possible, your siblings.
14.  If you don't normally do so, sleep in just a bit so you're more rested.
13.  If you don't normally, get up 15 minutes before everyone else and fix breakfast.
12.  Compliment your children.
11.  Thank a teacher.
10.  Wish someone who serves you --a waitress, cashier, attendant at the gas station,  a great day.  Hit the tip jar with a little extra if you can.
9.  Let someone else pick the channels/movie.  Stay and watch their selection with them.
8.  Sit down to family dinner.
7.  Mail kid drawings to grandparents.
6.  Point out cows, deer, humming birds, squirrels, as you drive or bright colored cars if that's not possible.
5.  Teach your kid something hard; like making a complex meal, embroidery, guitar, parallel parking, chess...
4.  Learn something from your kid that's hard, like how to read Manga, play Wii Mario Cart, the rules to Yugi-O card games, the game Go. Let yourself play and possibly/probably lose. 
3.  Learn something together, like sign language, backgammon, the constellations, etc.
2. Open the windows and let the summer breeze run through the house.
1. Say I love you more often to all of your family.

Have a great day!

Happy Easter

Happy Easter.

If we really understood the miracle that took place that morning, we would be racing to that tomb with the apostles and we'd wind ourselves getting there. 

So it is today, if we really understood what Easter means, we would be spilling over drunk with joy and awe and gratitude. 

Like watching our children at Christmas and their delight in everything is ours; so also God watches us as we go about thinking we understand everything, delighting in little things, getting upset over little things and He loves us just the same despite our clumsy oafish ways of being, our forgetfulness, our carelessness and our need for constant reminders of how to act. 

Happy Easter.  

We need all the miracles big and small that Christ offers, then and now; we need the miracle of the Mass, of the blessed sacrament, of how no matter what mood you may be in, something in the Liturgy will whisper to you if you listen, something will resonate in the heart.  We need the daily reminders of beauty, of song, of spring and of community, we need 1000 blessings every day to remember the Author of all those blessings; and if we are sufficiently steeped in grace, we might be able to see how many thousands more God offers. 

A friend of mine starts her day by counting fifty gifts of the coming day before she sets foot on the floor.  She is I think the kind of person who would run to the tomb; who keeps Easter in her heart all year long. 

May we all learn to do so.  Happy Happy Happy Easter.

World's Smallest Cross

Every so often it happens. Someone makes a comment about the size of our family and sometimes, it can be met with grace and charity, other times with a flip comment or two and the conversation either dies or moves on.   At one point, a friend who knows me well and was present when another person who was new to the school was going on and on about my family's size, gave me a look like, "You going to put up with this?"  Yes, because his wife was listening to my answer, which meant there was  a possibility of being a better witness through less snark. 

"Do you see all these people?" I asked the couple as I gestured to everyone who was at the event, people milling about bustling through everywhere.   "I know them.  Some of them for years.  I know that there are some here who are enduring their husbands being stationed overseas in Iraq.  I know that some of them lost their jobs or had to get new ones that were less secure.  I know a woman here who is a widow and another who has just finished a year recovering from a painful divorce.  Some of the people here have lost children or care for their parents who can't care for themselves.  This is a real place with real people and as far as I can tell, I have the easiest cross of them all.  I just have to love these ten people in my life well."  Now that doesn't mean loving them or loving them well is always easy; only that from what I can know, it is the easiest cross around and I know I wouldn't want to trade my cross for anyone else's.

Seven Quick Takes Friday

1.  When you realize, you are being protected.
This week, I've had solo duty as parent. It has been hard.  On Wednesday, I was trying to load up the car to go pick up my children and that takes multiple trips.  I was trying of course to do too much and take all three out in one shot.  But I couldn't get the door to cooperate.  I had to leave it open.  Having secured all three children in their car seats, I went back to shut the door, mentally growling..."Why does it have to be SO HARD?" and the phone rang as I got to the door.  I went in to get the phone and found...I'd taken my purse and three youngest children to the car, but the keys and my cell phone were still in the home.  If the door had locked, I'd have been stranded outside my house with three kids in the heat with six children waiting for pick up and no means of communicating.  It would have been much worse.  Said a thank you to a guardian angel, that things aren't as hard as I think sometimes they are. 

2.  Unexpected Grace

To get through a week solo, we've had to dial back and yet more has been demanded.  And it has been beautiful to see my family rise to the occasion.  My oldest two took on dishes and several mornings, got up around 5 to catch the bus rather than require a double run.  The next two, took on making lunches and breakfast with varying degrees of success but I was grateful for the help.  Even the youngers have tried to lend a hand where they could though I did have to stop the two youngest girls from trying to scrub the piano with a dish washing brush.

3. Reclaiming Parts of Self that were for some reason, stored away.

Sometimes, I fall into the rut of being the task master, never stopping, never resting, never letting anyone else enjoy much either; it's one of my faults.  This week, I've had to soften up and wound up giving more hugs, less lectures, more solo times with singular children, less "Time to work...move move MOVE." and it's been nice, necessary, but also indicative that I could have been doing this part of it even with the knowledge of a relief pitcher (Dad) showing up.  

There have been more quiet moments of conversation with me and more silliness this week with me than is normal.  In regular time, Dad walks in and I become invisible, and all that banter with the kids is stored for him; I'm hoping we both get to share some of that when he returns.   Having a kid ask, "Would you like to hear about my day?"  the answer is "YES! Please tell me."  This week has made me a better listener, in part because the person who is willing to listen to me talk the most (God love him), hasn't been here for me to lean on and  pour everything out to; and so I've been quieter and more able to hear everyone else in this home. 

4.  Creative Nagging. 

I now text and email my son with FYI's that he checks before he leaves school.  It means I don't spend nearly as much time getting on him to do the business work he needs to address as part of senior year.   It works so well, my daughter is now sending me emails and text message reminders of things she needs or I need to remember.  It has cut down on some stress. 

5.  Rethinking it

The other day, my daughter got an email from a friend asking her what she thought of an outfit the other wanted to wear for a dance.  My first glance made my heart go in my throat.  It was too mature for someone only in her first year of high school but it wasn't my email, it wasn't my daughter, it wasn't my call.  My daughter looked at it and started typing.   When she finished, she looked up and saw my face.  "Don't worry Mom." she smiled and showed me what she had fired back, "As you know, I don't like dresses, but that one is too adult."  Cue victory dance in my brain.  She then said, "See, now when I go to a dance, I'm wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt."   She'd tried wearing this to the last dance and I'd prevailed and made her change into more in my opinion appropriate attire for a social event at a high school.  Now I'm thinking considering the possible alternatives....I may be okay with t-shirts and sport shorts. 

6.  Am I Over thinking it?

Being a foodie, I loved watching Top Chef DC on Bravo.  Now they've started Top Chef Just Desserts and I was excited because I like the idea of desserts period.  While I liked the prior show which seemed like a straight up cooking competition, this one seems a bit more raw, with one candidate being to my sensibilities, very very unstable.  He has remained on past the first two cuts and I can't help but think the execs are thinking, fabulous gripping TV to have a problem child go through the competition.  So is it voyeuristic and wrong to watch this show when there is this person who clearly needs help?   Right now, I'm considering choosing not to watch the show until this person is not a contestant because it feels like willingly watching a train wreck for entertainment.  Am I over thinking this? 

7.  Thank you. 

Thank you to everyone who helped with the Fall Festival, with reaching out this week when Marc has been away, for reading my rants and stories and quips and stuff, for giving me your honest assessment of things, for prayers, for the gift of your time and your friendship.  I'm working on being more grateful for all those gifts so secure in my life that have been given so freely, I often failed to see them until they are needed or taken away.  Thank you.

Have a great weekend.

Count it All Success

It's Thursday so I'm here reporting in this week's successes.   There were the great colossal moments like the Fall Festival and getting kids to the doctor's, orthodontist, myself to the obgyn and my oldest to is music lesson all on time and there were the grinding moments like loading the car up to get the middle four to their school this week while their Father was out of town.  That we have held close to each other and kept our sense of humor despite all kinds of chaos, calamities, unexpected appointments and delays, is a big miracle in my book. But the biggest victories were ones not anticipated. 

1) My two year old stacked three blocks.  I swear he's reading his IEP and spends the next week making the teachers rewrite his goals.   We were in the waiting room while his brother was getting x-rays of his mouth for braces.  The lounge had three Rubic's cubes.  He made a stack and knocked it over and did it again three times.   The thing is, you sound really stupid when you start cheering because your kid made a three block tower but we did.  Today, he showed off for his PT and they were very pleased.  I told them to put "Read War and Peace." in his objectives for next week because I want to get to that one day.

2) Homework for one of mine has always been a battle.  But third grade has been a real struggle.  After a meeting with the teacher to device a system, that drudgery has thus far disappeared from the radar.  She sets the timer and does ten minutes at a time.  It all gets done, she's proud of herself and so am I! As an added bonus, it makes my life is much less "Dial a nag." 

3) On Tuesday, as part of keeping myself strong for this week, I made us go to the daily 9 o'clock mass.  I spent 90% of it in the back watching my two daughters tend their babies, baby girl and penguin and rerouting Paul who wanted to go racing up the aisles.  The girls had created beds out of a table and were reading them stories from the song booklets  I would have wished they would have been a bit quieter but in the end, the goal --to gather strength for the week from mass and the sacraments was achieved and that's enough.  

4) The other night, I sat with my daughter and talked about how hard it is to see my dad struggle with memory loss and that oddly, while I'd been able to pray for him and for my mom, and to ask for him to be healed, I knew my heart was some how afraid of asking for the miraculous.  I knew this was folly as I even write and know and believe that God should be asked, asked often. I can count the lavish times it has occurred in my life and I won't be able to stop counting.   So even though I know that He never tires of our prattle and our prayers even if we do of ourselves, I'd somehow been shamefully afraid to ask, like I needed to build up credit with God to ask even though I knew this was utter foolishness.   She listened to me talk about how somehow, this time asking was hard for me; like I didn't want to trust, didn't want to hope, didn't want to be disappointed and so I wasn't letting myself hope.  I couldn't explain more than to say I felt trapped in amber, unable to move even to ask, like it took somehow so long to work up to asking.

She smiled and said, "Ask quickly."  and the laughter that broke through inside was tangible and so I asked. Immediately, the weight left my heart.  Since then, I've asked and once I started, I felt free to ask and ask and I'll ask again, and I'll ask all of you, to pray for my family, for my dad's health.  There is a chance that the doctors may be able to restore some of his memory and that would be an enormous blessing.  I am asking God and all to pray that this miracle happens, that my dad can have back some if not all of what he has thus far lost.  

I also am thanking God for my quick on the draw daughter, who remembers what I forget about what God desires most. 

Got a victory?  Go share at Family and Faith Live!

Small Success Thursday

Participating in the three successes on Thursday at Family and Faith Live! today I must list three small victories over minutia that took place in the past seven days.

1) Managed to say the Rosary three days out of this week. One Glorious, One Sorrowful and one Luminous. Yeah, I missed out on Monday but I'm getting better at getting to it daily.

2) Worked out this week for 30 minutes. Only once, but once is once more than last week so again, it's progress.

3) Read to youngest five four days in a row. (Yes, there's a trend to all of this. Incrimental process of being present even when I'm tired, even when I don't want to).

Letter From Santa

My dearest children,

The question arises from age to age as to my actual existence. There comes a time in each person’s life when they must decide if they wish only to be governed by rationality, or if faith plays a role in their everyday being. I am part of that transition, true. I represent the joy and glory and bliss and innocence of childhood at Christmas.

Though I never knelt before the Christ child, I make to Him a present each year, of one day and one night, honoring his birth. I provide an opportunity for people, when more than most pause to consider the past year of blessings, when more than most pine to reconcile with their family and friends, and more than most open their hearts to their neighbors, their spouses, their children, and even to total strangers. Some people even find the most beautiful of presents by opening themselves to God on this day. I travel the world in one night, bringing hope and whimsy and the wish of true peace on Earth, the type of peace the World has never known but secretly pines for at its core.

My story gets told and retold and revisited and reinvented with the nuance and creativity of every age, and each year I do it again and again, willingly and happily, because it brings people to Christ. It brings people together to celebrate. “And wherever two or more are gathered in His name….” I am called Saint Nicholas, Santa Claus and Father Christmas, I have thousands of names beyond Kris Kringle. I am the great facilitator of Christ. People complain that Christmas has become secularized, but more accurately, the secularized world becomes more Christmas’ed each year, as more people celebrate it, even if only with the tree and the dinner and the presents.

I won’t say that Christmas is simply about Love because that’s inaccurate. Christmas is about Christ and Christ IS Love. Christ is MORE LOVE than the world can often tolerate. Yet we desperately need to keep Christmas every day, to welcome Christ into the world via our hearts, our homes and our everyday lives. Welcome to Christmas Day my Children and know that I never stop believing in you.

Merry Christmas

Love, Santa