Small Success Thursday

We're half way through Lent. I realized, I haven't quite managed to find a rthymn to my devotions or my prayer life. It has remained organic and impulsive and not entirely focused. This is not a confession of a bad Lent, only a reality of how this Lent has thus far progressed.  

1) So today, I recommitted to my Lent.   

Things were hard, but less so, because that's how grace works.  It makes it possible to do what we cannot do without it.  This alone counts as a success, and not  a small one, because it was a reminder to begin again.   

2) In adoration, I recognized I've overtaxed myself in every place of living, and Lent reminded me, I needed to give up trying to do everything, to give up trying to please everyone, and do whatever it was that needed doing, not for approval or success, but out of love.  It sounds corny, but I'd struggled with this past year of obligation, which robbed the ordinary of its joy.  There were and are a thousand reasons for counting blessings because of this year, but I'd grown tired of looking, tired of counting, and begun counting the wrong things. 

Recognizing I'd overdone, was the first step of recovery. Lent would begin again on this, March 11th, with the goal of more surrender each day.   

3) Today, we celebrated as my son turned 17. It's hard to believe 17 years have passed since the year the Red Soxs won their first world series, the Return of the King came out and won best picture and John became part of our lives.  We're so happy he is.   

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN! LOVE YOU

Blessings of the Year

I usually do a bucket list for what is to come every summer. This year, on my birthday, I'm counting my blessings from the past one in part to answer the question from my husband, "What does it feel like to be 54?" Yes, being married to a writer means every question gets an essay answer.  He knows this, and mercifully, he loves me in spite of it. 

By rights we should hate the year 2020, because there has been much suffering, much turmoil, and many sins and sores and long standing injustices exposed.  Yet it is also a year of great blessing, because the many sins and sores and long standing injustices have been exposed, and thus can begin to be addressed and with our cooperation with Divine grace, healed.

I am grateful for all the stollen time with my family, time that would not exist if we'd gone about business as usual.  While I want the pandemic cured and over, I do not want the return to ordinary time, where we don't think we need to spend time with each other. I don't want the excuse that business allows, where we spend time doing the unneccesary things don't eat together or even if we do, we're not present. 

I am grateful for the jobs some of my family have been able to acquire, and for the degrees some of them attained. I'm proud of all of them for their work and accomplishments. None of these feats are easy, none a given, and all should be properly celebrated. 

I am grateful for everyone that is still healthy, despite the risks of a world wide illness we do not know how to stop, only treat.

I am grateful for answered prayers, and that God keeps answering my prayers even when I'm not immediately grateful even when I know a prayer has been answered.  He knows I'm a needy greedy and self indulgent soul and somehow, He still answers, He still loves.  Very grateful to be in His heart.

My life has been one big blessing.  What is it like to be fifty-four? It's a blessing, just more of it.

Watching Them Grow Up

Today I hosted seventeeen fourteen year olds at a bowling party, and thought back because this is the class I've seen every year for nine years.   Having an October birthday girl, I've seen this class grow up and know, this is the last year I'll see some of these kids, because they'll scatter to the four corners after they graduate from Saint Martin's.  I have pictures of them from all their Halloween costumes because every year before this one, my daughter had a Halloween themed birthday party. 

She's like me, always wanting everyone to be there. She's better than me, she can get them to come.  I watched them bowl and eat and laugh and pose and play video games in the arcade.  They are fourteen, they are thirteen, they are at ease, they are in no hurry, and so time fliews by without their noticing.   They talk about high school and cartoons and donuts and homework. 

They dance for each other whenever anyone gets a gutterball or a strike.  There is more dancing than bowling going on.   If I'd brought a karyoke machine, we'd never knock over another pin.   I teach these same children in the next year, when they start over, but for now, they are the seasoned seniors of their school, with a casual confidence of being able to handle all of it.  They don't believe otherwise, or that otherwise would be possible. 

I'd wish for them to hold onto that breathless optimism forever, because it will serve them well.  They'd think me too serious and overthinking it, so I just take a few pictures and ask the class leader to round up everyone to sing Happy Birthday, which she does.   It's a good day, and I drive us home and fall asleep watching the Nationals in Game One against the Cardinals. No hitters are great, but not exciting baseball until you get to the later innings.  She opened her presents and disappeared up to her room. It was a good day, a good everything. 

Happy Birthday Rita and glad you got a big party my Pinkie Pie. 

It's My Birthday

Hello everyone. 

It's July 3rd and I'm fifty-two.

Part of enjoying the birthday is counting 52 blessings and/or big events from the past 52 years.

1966  Born...and survived it.  Yay!
1967  Got to come home from the hospital. Yay!
1968  Started talking.  Never stopped.
1969  Became a big sister.
1970  Remember going to the Neuman Center, and mass.
1971  Became a big sister again.
1972  Learned to rollerskate.
1973  Took trampoline lessons.
1974  Had my tracheostomy removed.
1975  Learned to swim.
1976  Remember going to DC, and watching the fireworks on the lawn.
1977  Saw Starwars
1978 My sister was born.
1979 Our house flooded, but we thought it was kind of cool, because we saw fish swimming in the kitchen. 
1980 Made the track team. Ran in the 1320.
1981 Started high school.
1982 Principal tapped me to be a journalist/cartoonist
1983 Got a 4.0 for the first time.
1984 Graduated from High School
1985 Met one of my best friends, in line for getting rooms.
1986 Volunteered for Logan Center, became interested in Special Education
1987 Applied to and got a full ride for graduate school.
1988 Graduated from Saint Mary's College
1989 Moved to Boston to start (and finish) master's.
1990 Got Married.
1991 Moved to Houston.
1992 Found out we'd be parents in the next year.
1993 Became a stay at home mom with our son.
1994 Got into graduate school for the University of Texas
1995 Moved to Maryland
1996 Had our first daughter.
1997 Had our second daughter.
1998 Started volunteering at the kids' school.
1999 Had our second son.
2000 Was asked to write for school.
2001 September 11th.
2002 Daughter was born.
2003 First miscarry.
2004 Son was born.
2005 Daughter was born
2006 State agrees to take our house and help us move.
2007 Daughter was born.
2008 Son was born and survived surgery.
2009 Second miscarriage.
2010 Third miscarriage.
2011 Youngest daughter is born. 
2012 All twelve of us go to Texas for my brother's wedding.
2013 Book published.
2014 Dad died.
2015  Went to North Carolina and hooked a ray.
2016 Daughter graduated from high school and started at the college I attended.
2017  Got certified as a teacher again.
2018  Son graduates from high school.

All of which is to say, I've been more than blessed these 18,993 days. I can't wait to see what the next 18,993 days hold. 

Profile of My Daughter

Today her heart explodes with joy. 

She writes her name on her arm with her favorite marker and adds a number ten next to it.  She decorates her temporary tattoo with sparkles and underlines it three times.  She puts on her new dress and matching shoes and wants her hair in pony tails with long streaming ribbons.

After singing the soundtrack from The Sound of Music as she walks down the stairs, she opts to play the part of a matador with her brother and sisters.  “Toro, Toro…” she rolls her “r’s” and they race around the house four times before breathless, she stops to reassure me, “I won’t be one of these when I grow up.” 

After waffles with strawberries and syrup, and washing it down with milk, she tells me she wants a cake for dinner and hamburgers and french fries with ketchup and gives me a fierce hug.   She puts all of her smile into that hug, and I want to give her a birthday as deep and passionate as she; lIke flowers and fire, one mirroring her heart and her songs and hugs, and matching her ribbons, dress and shoes.

Happy Birthday Rita!*

*I had a writing assignment, to describe a color through everything but the color.  So I'll ask you to guess the color from this story.  What color did you see?

  

49 Things for This Year's Bucket List

Lists are cheap easy ways to fill a blog I know, but it's my birthday and there's a lot on the schedule so you're getting a list.    Why 49?  Because that's how old I am.

49. See the Pope.  I saw Saint Pope John Paul the Great, I saw Pope Benedict, so I want to see the current Supreme Pontiff.
48.  Lose 20 lbs.  I know, lose weight is on everyone's list every year.
My kids are making me go so this will happen...over time, (and they should probably guard the ice cream if they want it to happen faster), but it will happen.
47. Finish my second book.   (Working on it).
46. Celebrate with all family and friends.  (This will happen too, it's in the works)
45.  Purge my drawers of clothes I don't wear.
44.  Learn a piano song a month.
43. Read a book a month.  I know, I'm jamming up what I will do, but it's a fun wish list.
42. Go to a concert outdoors.
41. See a play.
40. Visit the Capital and the White House. I live here, so naturally, I've never been.
39. March in the March for Life.
38. Become more involved in Paul's school.
37. Write letters.
36. Stop saying, "Let's do lunch sometime."  Say, "Do you want to go to lunch this week?"  and schedule it.
35.  Go to adoration once a week.
34.  Clear my dining room table. (It's always covered in stuff).
33.  Finish necessary paperwork that I've put off forever.
32.  Paint a room.
31.  Start drawing again. (and make myself push that pencil the same way I make my fingers do the typing).
30.  Spend more time with my children, include them in these activities.
29. Visit a museum.
28. Fly a kite on the mall.
27. Help with a campaign.
26. See a whale in the wild.
25. Go fishing. (Not for the whale).
24. Clear out the junk from our home.
23. Get cards out on time.
22. Schedule date nights.
21. Dance.
20. Pray every day.
19. Read my children more stories.
18. Score baseball games.
17. Swim.
16. Get rid of fast food from my diet, even the stuff I tell myself is healthy.
15. Run/walk a 5k.
14. Submit an article a week to some paying market.
13. Learn how to cook something new that the people will eat.
12. Be present (listen) rather than formulate my response.
11. Laugh more, at the world and myself.
10. Play games with my kids.
9. Volunteer for the hard work no one wants to do, make it a gift.
8. Get my physical/dentist/ not just everyone else's.
7. Go sledding.  (I usually stay inside and declare I'll take care of the littles, but they should be going too).
6. Spend more time outside.
5. Read rather than surf.
4. Get to Texas to see my extended family.
3. Plan a trip for my husband and kids, rather than wait for us to think, "Oh yeah...we should do something..."
2. Swim in a river/water hole.
1. Thank God for every moment thus far and stop "Burning Daylight."

If you want any final wisdom, life blinks by fast.  No one says, "I wish I'd spent more time on the internet." at the end.

Happy Birthday To Me!

It's my birthday and I'll blog if I want to...I know, writing lists is a lazy way to blog but I've been lazier so this is progress. 

So today, I turn 48.  A new year looms with bright and shiny promises. 48 years. 48 candles.  48 wishes.  Why not? 

48. This year I'll finish writing my second book, and become a published author again.
47.  I start working on my third.
46.  I'll get certified for teaching.
45. I'll lose 15 pounds. 
44.  It won't be the same 15 pounds because I gained 16.
43.  I will learn to cook a new dish that I can make regularly. *one that won't make me gain weight because I eat too much of it.
42. I'll read two books a month for myself.
41. And read to at least 4 of my children daily.
40. I'll schedule a dentist appointment.
39.  And a physical.
38.  I'll eat more fruit and vegetables.
37.  I'll go to a concert
36.  and a play
35.  And a vineyard for a tasting.
34.  I'll swim in the ocean.
33. I'll zipline because it's stupid and silly and fun and will scare me to pieces.
32.  I'll rollerblade with my daughters because it's cool.
31.  I'll plan six of the minimum 12 dates we have each year for my husband.  (already have the first set up for July 27th).
30.  I'll write more letters. 
29.  pray the daily rosary
28.  practice piano
27.  Go to museums with my children
26. and zoos
25.  and parks
24.  and pools
23.  and libraries
22. and let them see, I love all of this.
21.  I'll repaint a room
20.  and paint a real picture
19. and hang it on my wall.
18.  I'll put fresh flowers on the table
17.  and sometimes candles other than birthdays
16. and turn off the screens
15  and the radios
14 and all the machines
13 to cultivate a peace in the home.
12. I'll let my children see me praying
11. and reading
10. and thinking
9.  and playing.
8.  So they know adulthood doesn't mean mere grim duty or dull responsibility. It isn't all vegetables, housework, homework and bills.
7. I hug them more
6. so they know hugs are a given, love is a given, and hopefully, joy is a given.
5.  I'd like to make it to an extra mass a week.  So I'll put it on the schedule.
4.  I'll phone my brothers and sister more often,
3. and make deliberate plans with friends, rather than wondering why I never get to do things or why it always seems to be some day but that some day doesn't come.
2.  I'll volunteer more and be a participant rather than an attention hog. 
1.  and wear more red because I love the color. 

Happy Birthday.  I've lots to do.  Can't wait to get started!

Over at Patheos Today!

I have a piece on Patheos today discussing Down Syndrome, research for a cure, and what losing the witness of people like my son Paul, might make harder to see.   Today is my son's fifth birthday.  So I'm also linking up older Paul posts that people might like. 

From the Catholic Standard, Baby Paul's Heart and Ours.

"Kids Like Paul" which ran at New Advent as well.

His 100%. and The Very Necessariness of Everyone come from my blog.

and then,
The Everyday I Love You is also at Patheos.

Paul is the inspiration for a lot of writing and praying and playing.  But since all of these give you where's my tissue type moments, let me close with something more up tempo.   We gave Paul and electric musical tooth brush.  He loves it.  For ten straight minutes, he played it, brushed his teeth and jumped up and down.  We thought it was a one time response but each time, it's ten minutes, jumping, pure joy.  So one thing I do now know from all of this, his teeth are sparkling white and he'll be in fighting shape and fitting trim before the batteries give out.



Happy Birthday Paul!

Three Years Ago

Paul was born. 

His labor I do not remember.  But I do recall being surprised by how strong his cry was when we first heard his voice.  He did not look like a child with only two chambers to his heart. He did not look like a child who faced a lifetime with Down Syndrome.  He looked like Paul. 

Paul had two births if you will, his birthday, and the day he had the corrective heart surgery, the day after which, I stopped holding my breath that he might die in my care before we could get him the procedure he needed.  Honestly, it was my greatest fear, that I might screw up in a way that would lose him. 

Today, he climbs on the table.  He likes the radio loud and will have games of what can only be called "Smile Tag" with me in the driver's rear view mirror.  He plays with puppets and has a sense of humor about it.  For about fifteen minutes, he allowed the Dinosaur to bite his hand.  Then he would roar and fall to the ground holding his hand.  Perhaps I should see what his brothers are letting him watch on TV.  He also makes faces at himself when he gets a hair cut or brushes his teeth.  After we're finished grooming, he nods his head at himself and sometimes even gives a thumbs up. 

It is hard to remember life without him or imagine it.  It is hard to explain except to say, our lives are far richer for this little quiet boy who sometimes isn't quiet. (He's now calling MOM because I promised to bring him his crayons and I got distracted). 

So Happy Birthday my son!  Love to you and I'm so glad you're here.  Like your extra chromosome, you add a bit more to our lives than the ordinary.   Now I'll get to work on that cake. 

Happy Birthday!

Today I turn 45.  I'm happy to be here.  Not really freaked by the number or the mileage, glad to have my birthday on a Sunday as we all got to go to mass together, a good way to celebrate.  This afternoon, we made My cake. 

Ordinarily, I've received a box cake --or a cake from the store.  My cake is the cake my mom made me most birthdays.

It is evil. 
It is delicious. 
It is not good for you. 
And I'm going to share My cake recipe. 
It cures what ails you --provided you have a quart of milk and a gallon of vanillia ice cream to wash it down. 

My Mom's Birthday Cake for Sherry

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Dry ingredients:
2 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. baking soda.
Combine in mixing bowl.  Set aside.

Wet ingredients:
In a sauce pan melt 2 sticks of butter and 1 cup of water and 4 tablespoons of cocoa powder.  Bring to a boil.  Mix well.

Separate Wet ingredients.
In a small bowl combine 2 eggs
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla
mix well. 

Pour boiling cocoa/butter/water mixture into flour mixture while the mixer is on, allow to mix well.
Pour eggs/buttermilk vanillia mixture into chocolate/flour batter. Mix well.

Pour whole thing into a rectangular 9x13 pan (greased or sprayed with cooking spray), bake for 25 minutes.

While cake is baking --see, this is an impatient cake --so I like it for that reason.

7 minutes before the cake is out, start your frosting.

Melt in a sauce pan 1 stick of butter,
4 tablespoons of cocoa,
6 tablespoons of milk
and 1 teaspoon of vanillia. 

Stir until it is one bubbling consolidated liquid. 

Add one box of powdered sugar and keep stirring until it is glossy smooth.

Add one cup of pecans if desired. Mix well.

Take cake out of oven.
Pour icing over cake while still hot.

Eat. Enjoy.
Spend next 364 days working it off so you can do it again next year.
Tomorrow, you get the story of the cake.  Sugar coma from cake is preventing further thought.

Happy Birthday Bonnie!

Happy Birthday Bonnie!  Fifteen years hit in a blink of an eye.

Turning 44

Today I'm 44.  Every year I have the good fortune of having my birthday associated with a long weekend or at least a few stray fire crackers.  Every year, I make goals for the coming year.  I don't have a set pattern or number, but this year, I've decided to adopt 44 just for the artistic sense of the thing. Some of them might even happen with a fierce bit of doing.  So here are my birthday wishes for the next 365 days.

44) Exercise every day for 30 minutes doing something!
43) Learn to appreciate wine such that I can have a marginal knowledge of it.
42) Finish learning Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata
41) Make jam. (I don't know how).
40) Read a book a month.
39) Plow through the writing of the rest of Helen.
38) Pray for  my family and friends more.
37) Get the back basement the way it is supposed to be.
36) Paint or draw more often.
35) Call my friends and family on a weekly basis. (I can be pretty spacy).
34) Play with my children instead of getting caught up on everything that doesn't matter.
33) See a Whale in the wild.
32) Visit some new states.
31) Catch a ball at a baseball game.
30) Float down a river.
29) Learn to play the guitar.
28) Become a lecture or Eucharistic Minister at mass.
27) Improve my writing/grammar/technical knowledge of the craft.
26) Lose 20 pounds.
25) Get more involved in community doing something. (Don't know what yet).
24) Publish more.
23) Tour the White House (I've never done it).
22) Go to Politics and Prose (bookstore with live readings, I've always wanted to go).
21) See a concert at Wolftrap.
20) Go to the Sugarloaf Craft festival (I've never been).
19) Be able to sink a ball with my break shot (right now it stinks royally).
18) Date night once every two weeks.
17) Make a habit of weekly adoration.
16) Use the good crystal and good china more often because every day is a special occasion.
15) Become syndicated. (Note to self, begin process of applying for syndication doofus).
14) Dance, sing and laugh more.
13) Take kids tubing --winter.
12) Fish this summer at least until I catch a fish. 
11) Send Birthday cards and gifts out on time.
10) Ride a horse.
9) Learn how to do some basic home repair/decor work.
8) Finish a half marathon.
7) Go to an Opera so I can experience it.
6) Learn to walk on my hands. (Not everything I want to do is meaningful).
5) Learn to write with my left hand.  (Not everything I want to learn is important either).
4) Collect my family's stories (Both sides and as many generational ones as possible).
3) Waste less time and want for less time.
2)  Discipline myself about reading news and politics on the internet and about writing, so that it does not trump the rest of life.
1) Tell everyone I love them more often, and show it daily. 

Now I'm going to blow out my candles and eat some cake.  The exercise bit?  I'm going to go out for a date night tonight and we're going to walk three miles.