Disney and Me

When my family went to Disney World, my father didn't like it. He felt annoyed at Epcot Center and the various mock ups of cultures most of all. “It’s like the world without God, sex or vegetables,” he complained. We kids rolled our eyes and offered him some of the better fare found in the Italian section. “Relax Dad, it’s fun.”

Flash forward a few years and we took a family vacation to Vegas. “Well Dad, here they have the sex and the vegetables.” I joked. I thought he might actually say he’d prefer Disney. When I asked him to weigh the two, he never answered.

These days, I am inundated by my almost six year old’s commercials for Disney. She wants to be a princess for Halloween, selects Disney films for her afternoon TV time and sings along with the Disney CD’s in the car. I have begun to understand a bit of my father’s resistance to the magic kingdom. Ariel is anorexic, Pocahontas is a Native American Politically Correct Barbie doll, Belle is an intellectual snob who wants more than a provential life, meaning she wants to marry a rich guy. Meanwhile, Cinderella remains a helpless puppet of fate and Sleeping Beauty never gets to choose anything. Jasmine never gets to fly solo, and the only princess I ever really liked, Mulan, my kids don't watch.

I want my daughters to be strong independent and loving women when they mature, who choose spouses that encourage them to grow in creativity, intelligence and spiritual depth. I do not see these lessons in the many DVD’s that my daughter so loves. I read her stories of strong women and try to show other points of view, but the princesses in their sparkling dresses are siren like in their irresistibility to my six year olds’ bright blue eyes. She has begun asking in that sweet six year old voice, if we can go to Disneyland on vacation.

Now I am a soft touch, but even I can see the dollar signs floating away as she speaks dreamily of meeting Ariel and Mickey. We have a large family and the idea of managing my many offspring in that large amusement park causes instant migraines. I can summon any number of adult rational reasons to say “No.” but so far all I can muster is a weak-kneed “We’ll see.” I also know when I bring this up with her father, his response will be similar. The epic struggle between the very strong desire as a parent to somehow present all that is wondrous and fun and delightful to your children and at the same time not go bankrupt will erupt. Past experience would seem to indicate Disney has the edge.

Secretly I begin searching the internet for deals, maybe I will do a limited trip of a few, to squirrel away a few memories. Days are coming when I will have to worry about the CD’s and DVD’s far more than now, for the time when she becomes sixteen and sullen and wears clothes that will make me cringe far more than the dripping with pink sparkling confections she currently favors. I gulp hard at the idea of her maturing and suddenly feel far more benign about the Little Mermaid, Snow White and every other Disney Princess. Disney may not have God or vegetables, but it has a monopoly on my six year old’s imagination and heart and suddenly, that doesn’t seem so very bad.

I’ll supply the Church and carrots, and you know what I learned, “It’s a small world after all.”

P.S. My profound apologies if I’ve stuck that song in your head now as a result of reading this blog, just plug your ears and start singing the Star Spangled Banner until it goes away or you could try Humor-Blogs.com

Exercising Futility

Yesterday: Alarm at 5:00 am. I know I said today I’d go to the gym first thing but this is an unhealthy hour. I need sleep. Experts say getting enough sleep helps you lose weight. So I’m going to listen to the experts. Sets alarm for 6:15. I’ll do a workout video in the morning and hit the gym after lunch.

6:15 snoozed to 6:30… Okay. We’re on a Diet. No fats. No Fried anything. No Sweets. No Chocolate. No Caffeine, No Alcohol, No unhealthy anything. What is there to eat in this house…almost nothing.

8:15 am Breakfast. I….need…food. Cereal. Healthy plain bran flake cereal I’ve let sit on the shelf for months is the only low sugar option available. I’ll start good. I’ll be good. Hmmm…taste bad…taste like it’s stale…I’ll fix that…with fruit. Lots of fruit….and milk….and orange juice….who knew eating healthy could taste good….why haven’t I started this before, this is easy….it’s still chewy and stale, but the fruit helps.

Morning room sweeps and dishes and laundry carry us through the next two hours without a mishap except for the two handfuls of M&m’s I gave myself when the toddler went to the potty and I handed out rewards.

10:30 am…Food….I need food….can’t have food until 12…the kids want second breakfast. I fixed them frozen waffles and sipped my diet coke with lime virtuously. I just need to make it to 12…

11:00 am. Double toddler accident below the beltway. Ate a fistful of M&m’s to sustain morale.

11:40 am I’m supposed to wait until 12…what’s 20 minutes…the time it will take me to make the food, so it will be ready by 12, when I get to eat….tuna…with onions and celery and tomatoes…peppers…and just a tablespoon of mayo…hmmmm. That looks REALLY dry. Maybe little more, NO. No. no. I’ll add a healthy fat, some olive oil…just a drizzle. Okay, that looks much better. Mix it up, on toast…a pickle, an apple sliced up and maybe a big glass of milk. That is a virtuous lunch. It needs a little something hot though, maybe some soup…soup is healthy….and I’m going to the gym so it will be okay, I can count the calorie credits, they’re all good calories…

1:00 pm Need to go to gym. Too full…wait until later…let kids watch PBS…feel vague guilt that I’m not putting on fitness workout video for all of us to enjoy or at least try.

1:15 Pottying success and I grabbed a diet coke instead of eating M&m’s. Yeahs all around. Can’t find shoes to get them ready to go to the gym.

1:30 Still can’t find shoes

1:45 Found 3 shoes…still need one more.

1:55 found three other shoes, none match.

2:00 pm Having found a pair of slippers that match, I could technically make a go of it, but child care ends in thirty minutes, wouldn’t be a long enough work out to be worth it…I’ll go at 4…

2:30 Load car of kids sans shoes for school pick up, find other four matching shoes in car.

3:00 pm pick up kids from school, Girl Scout cookie orders came in today, so our car is packed with cookies. The kids open a box to share as the afternoon snack while still in the car in the school parking lot, I absentmindedly eat a cookie the kids hand me. It’s a Girl Scout thin mint. Thin mints. The thin mint scent is wafting around in my head. The open sleeve of thin mints is within arm’s reach…resist….resist….resist….what’s a serving?…four…I’ll have just one…so that’s what…40 calories….40 calories…puh. That’s nothing…I’ll make it two, that’s only 80…besides, these two are stuck…explain to kids that thin mints are best eaten straight out of the freezer. One child hands me another thin mint, “I don’t want this type of cookie Mommy, you can have it.” Her eyes are generous and happy. If I refuse, they will be sad…I eat the cookie. Other children offer cookies and I decline by chewing as long as possible, when we get home, my son has wrapped two cookies in a napkin as a gift to me, so I eat those two…200 calories… trouble.

Unloading the car takes about 20 minutes…then the phone rings such that homework gets delayed…a few thin mints may have been eaten in the process...

4:15 pm “We have to go to the gym..”
“But Mommy, I need to use the computer to type up my Copernicus report.”
“And I have to make a diorama using clay and a shoe box for tomorrow’s project on the rain forest.”
“Can you read to me?”
“I have to practice this piece for the concert on Friday.”

I realize that my gym bag doesn’t have my favorite gym pants or shirt and the walkman is missing it’s headphones and needs new batteries...and I only have AA and it needs AAA…I need to repack this…so it goes in the corner to be dealt with later.

5:30 pm Homework is finished. Music is finished. Thin mints are finished. How did that happen?
“Hey Mom, What’s for dinner?”
Making a mental note to skip dinner, I fire up the pot of boiling water, put the meatballs in the microwave and begin making a salad.

6:20 pm Dinner is on the table. It smells great. Maybe I’ll serve myself…sensible portions.

7:20 pm Time to get people bathed and starting on bed routine.

8:30 pm Kids are mostly in bed…time to do dishes and put away food.

9:27 pm…with interruptions and phone calls and retucking in of three separate kids, plus the discovery of an older one in the back basement reading comic books on the sly, dishes are just now getting done.

10:00 pm…I could go to the gym. It’s open until 11…but I don’t want to go out this late…alone….and I’m tired…I’ll start tomorrow at five thirty --five was too early. I’ll get up and do a DVD –the 21 minute workout, right at six, that way I’ve got a jump on the day and won’t have cut into the schedule by more than 15 minutes….and I won’t have to worry about what I’m wearing or if I have headphones…just the other sleeve of thin mints in the freezer.

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