Wednesday, October 17, 2018

So, I've been part of a writing group...

and we're doing these exercises.  Since I've been sort of shy on time and writing, I figure, I'll share the results of those lessons here. 

This past week, we tackled humor.  We were to write an ad for one of several undesirable animals, and I chose the badger.  Here is is with some tweaks...

Wild Badger Free to a good home, or even a bad one if they're willing.
You might be wondering, why would I want a wild badger, and even if I give you good reasons for treasuring such a feral vicious beast in your home, why if they're so awesome, I'd be willing to part with mine. So here are my ten reasons YOU should own my badger.
10) Did you go to Wisconsin? This is all the reason you need.
9) My wild badger willingly maims cyclists, pedestrians and automobiles traveling at ten miles lower than the posted speed limit. Handy if you're in a rush to get somewhere, like say the hospital from attempting to pet said badger.
8) They are excellent excavators, so if you have some trees you want uprooted, they're perfect for the job. Warning: Make sure no electrical, water or cable lines are proximate, as the utilities and cable companies will hold you liable for damages.
7) Badger chow is cheap, but wild badgers will eat earthworms, insects, grubs, and eggs. They also eat small mammals, amphibians, reptiles and birds, as well as roots and fruit. Good bye annoying yappy dogs next door.
6) They make a sound like a rattle snake which is useful. Just post a sign saying, "Warning, Pet Rattle Snake" and have the phone video ready to capture the fun when someone knocks anyway.   
5) Nothing gives the sense of being an environmental warrior, friend of nature and at the same time, daring like a badger on your dating website. It gets you a second look even if your profile wouldn't.. (Lock up the badger and whatever you do, don't let her talk you into letting her pet it). See reason #10
4)Will create both permanent memories and scars, and scarred memories.
3) Bad badgers make for good fences. No visits from the in-laws, outlaws or the law since I got her.
2) On the bucket list somewhere in your adventure starved heart is "own an exotic pet," and this one fits the bill.
1). I'm getting rid of the badger because I saw this terrific ad for a pet rattle snake and thought, it's time to be truthful about the matter.  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Badgers, gotta love them.

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