The Ten, No, Twelve Stages of Writing a Column*

*Not inspired in any way whatsoever by real life. Any similarities to the writing process for anyone (living or dead) is purely coincidental.  Really. 

12) I have an idea. Oh. That would make a good column. I should write it down. 
11) Writes it down. Oh, and I should add that and that and maybe tie in this...--Good idea brain.  Writes down more.  Wait...developing it too much before I get to the computer will kill it. 
10) Holds rest of ideas in brain but fears incontinence of brain.  Hold it. Hold it. Hold it until I can get to a keyboard.
9) Gets to Keyboard.
8) Where the hell did it all go?  How did I lose it? It was all so crystal clear, it was perfect, funny, urbane, and now it's gone! 
7) Self medicates --depending upon who you are, chocolate, surfing the net, alcohol, binge watching a series you've already seen.
6) Sits back down at keyboard, looks at notes. 
5) This is garbage. It's giberish. Why didn't I write more of it down? Why did I think fleshing it out more would hurt my ability to write it later? 
4) Looks at blank page.  I guess I should write something.
3) Writes something.
2) Rereads what's written and grieves.  It could have been so much more. It could have been the break thru piece, the one, the one everyone shares, the one that would have put me on the map as a writer. 
1) Pushes send/publishes anyway.   

Celebrate by returning to self medication.    Repeat tomorrow, or later today if inspiration strikes and you make it to the computer in time. 

*Editor's note: Mom, this is not how I do things.  Really.   I promise. 
(I eat the chocolate first).