Happy Mother's Day!

This week I attended a "Muffins with Moms" event at my youngest daughter's school.  We arrived and as soon as she saw her friends, she dumped me for them, leaving me with the other abandoned mothers at the table.   We talked about how somehow, we expected a little more.  None of us quite knew what except we didn't like being simply checked off like a box on a to-do list.  The imposed structure of the event was supposed to give us an "awwww" moment, rather than a sense of "now what?" 

Except motherhood is all about being present and invisible at the same time.  We'd succeeded in being moms to the extent, they could take us for granted, like the air.  They knew we were there, they knew we'd sustain them. They knew, they could inhale muffins, exude confidence, exit from the table from their mothers to their friends, and still, their moms would sit there sipping orange juice, being there on call for the twenty minutes of time alloted to the event. 

You get moms of all ages together, all for the same occasion.  They talk.  The subject was of course, "What do you want for Mother's day?" Those in the busy throws of parenting children aged 10 and under, wanted time off. They wanted a few carved out hours alone, with zero responsibilities, and zero pay back when they returned.  The dishes should be done. The beds made. The homework also done. Dinner should be planned, and already started.  There should be no forms, no papers, no last minute things Mom needs to address when she returns, and no reports of how because Mom left, everything imploded.  Dad can handle it.   Some wanted to go to the spa, others the salon, others  the library or the gym, or a restaurant by themselves with a book, but all of them just wanted, off time without consequence. 

The funny thing is, those with kids mostly 10 and up, wanted the kids who left home, who are in the throws of preparing to leave, home, or who are only sometimes home, to come back, and to spend time at the house, letting the moms be moms a little more, the way the moms who are in the midst of the little more, do not.  They wanted to go out for coffee, or to get their nails done or shop with their daughters, or to garden or bbq with their sons, or visit some tourist spot they'd always held off on, because before, the kids were too little to justify the experience.   In short, the Moms always wanted to be the mothers the other ones were not at the time, they were the other moms. 

"What do you want Sherry?" a friend asked. "What do you want Mom?" my kids asked, quickly adding, "and don't say peace in the house.  That's a given presumption and not what we mean."  Well, it is what I really want, but I'd love a portrait of all of them, I told both my daughter and my friend.  "That's what you said last year."  "Yes, I know, and I didn't get it. So I'm asking again." 

"Mom, you're going to have to orchestrate that yourself."
"Why?"
"Because.  That's what Moms do.  They make things happen which are good, which we'll appreciate later, but which we loathe in the moment.  Like vegetables, like chores, like homework." 

"Like dental appointments? You have one next week." 
"Augh! Mom!" 
"Just doing my job.  I'll schedule the portrait too.  Maybe we'll have it ready by Father's day." 

"That's also just like a Mom. Dad will get the gift. We'll get the credit.  You'll handle the details." 
...
I'm grateful to my mother for her sense of humor, and all the times she handeled all the details of my life, and all the times I forgot about the details so completely, I didn't know she handled them.  She was the air.   Necessary, but not always noticed.   So thank you Mom.  I'll work on getting so I can feel that way about things, but I'm not there yet.  Love you! 

Happy Mother's Day!