Heaven is Real Discussion

My husband and I try to pray Saint Louis Marie de Montfort's Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary.  Some years we do better than others.  

But the language often trips us up, and nearly always sparks a discussion, most often around the absolute certainty of our being able to never do anything good save via God's grace.  It would seem then, the only free acts we have, are to sin, i.e. not cooperate, or to cooperate, and that no virtue should be attributed to the individual for cooperating, since that was the result of God's grace proposing God's will first, and our response to it.  It leads to statements like "we are nothing but worms..." and other such phrases that don't sit well. 

Shouldn't we if we do not merit Heaven by either words or deeds, then be shooting to mold our wills to God's so as to qualify for Purgatory?  the discussion went.  

Should we be worried so much about merit? was another part of the discussion. 

Multiple saints engage in this constant re-joiner of being worthless and useless absent God's will and abundant grace.  Blessed Mother Teresa called herself God's pencil, making herself the passive tool by which God's word could be written, but which could generate nothing on her own. 

But asking to be God's pencil, wasn't that a sign of merit so to speak, of being willing, just as the Blessed Mother said, "Behold I am the handmaid of the Lord."  And so the discussion became, can one claim any part of merit in being good?  

I said no, we do, but no. 
My husband said yes, and that to do otherwise is false humility, we are weighed, measured, our words and our deeds, and given the dose of mercy and justice plus a surplus of love that we dolloped out.  I didn't disagree, but we did still work around those words.  Do we really have to be comfortable saying we're worth less than worthless?  We could cite scripture pro and con, remember thou art dust, and made in God's image.  Both and, a contradiction. 

Then I read the former mayor Bloomberg's article in the New York Times.. 

Mr. Bloomberg was introspective as he spoke, and seemed both restless and wistful. When he sat down for the interview, it was a few days before his 50th college reunion. His mortality has started dawning on him, at 72. And he admitted he was a bit taken aback by how many of his former classmates had been appearing in the “in memoriam” pages of his school newsletter.

But if he senses that he may not have as much time left as he would like, he has little doubt about what would await him at a Judgment Day. Pointing to his work on gun safety, obesity and smoking cessation, he said with a grin: “I am telling you if there is a God, when I get to heaven I’m not stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It’s not even close.”

I called my husband and read him the pull quote.  I am now going to have to work to merit purgatory for gloating online, and for envisioning with no small amount of mischief in my heart, Mayor Bloomberg in Heaven waiting for someone, anyone to interview him.