Tuesday, February 3, 2009


This is a funny funny list...so I'm putting it here for you to cut and paste and visit. In honor of the Evil Overlord, I've added my ten below as well.

(The kids have been sick so writing time is at a premium).

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

10) I won't use my superpowers to simply destroy a single person, I use them to unfairly manipulate the market such that I make a killing on Wallstreet and can then buy all the influence and power I want. Or, I could just run for Congress, but then I'd have to be Completely evil.

9) When a flunky says that something is out of wack, out of date, or seems strange, I will immediately follow up by firing on whatever ship/seemingly normal cache of troops are seeking access to my base.

8) If the hero is male or even has a male appearance --and is actually a robot/alien/amoeba/whatever, all females will be forcibly removed from the premises to avoid possible defection due to sexual attraction; EVEN the ugly ones.

7) Any sage that has been long since considered old and crazy but has a glorious past shall be removed from the planet without the benefit of a space suit or ship.

6) I will raise taxes on the middle class.

5) I will employ a cadre of lawyers to sue for property damage and have the heroes arrested for breaking and entering by only planning and speaking about my evil plans rather than implementing them. I will claim it was for a book I'm writing.

4) I will not have vicious looking or ugly pets like snakes, pit bulls, mean fluffy white cats or Great White Sharks. To confuse the heroes, my lair will be populated with cute little bunnies.

3) I will not employ some oddly disfigured henchman with poor dental work or parapalygic devices made of precious jewels or metal. They tend to defect.

2) I will have a strict policy. No capturing prisoners...ever. All enemies shall be shot on sight. Violators who think people captured might have a strategic value or important information shall also be shot.

1) The codes to the machinery that accesses my secret labs/plans/power will be undecipherable. Even to me.


Jen said...

I LOVE the Evil Overlord list. First time I saw it last year, I laughed until I cried.

I especially like the one about employing a five year old to spot flaws in your evil plans. ROFL!

jacobusmaximus said...

i sent a letter to the white house today when hearing "our dear leader" is taking over the airwaves on all the networks tonight--not that I care mind you--I don't watch the networks while the kids are awake anyway-- and asked, "what is next, leaflets dropped from the sky?"

Leaving a comment is a form of free tipping. But this lets me purchase diet coke and chocolate.

If you sneak my work, No Chocolate for You!