So You Want to Be a Confirmation Sponsor...

This is the fifth time I've watched as a child of mine prepares to be confirmed.  Confirmation is my very favorite sacrament, and the descent of the Holy Spirit, my favorite mystery of all the mysteries. Agreeing to be a sponsor, like agreeing to be a Godparent, is a lifelong job of evangelizing the other person, steeping them in the faith.  It isn't a show up on this evening in the Spring dressed nice, sign a paper and we're good.  It's a promise to God and to that person and to the church, to pray for this person, walk with them in faith, and advise them when necessary. To be a sponsor is to be a conduit of the Holy Spirit both now, and from now on, in the life of this new adult in the church.

The big question one must ask, is how do you do this?   Here are some starting steps:

1) Pray. I mean pray for the candidate and with the candidate.  If you can't go to mass with the person preparing for Confirmation, go to mass for them, and call to talk about the readings.  Offer a rosary. Spend an hour in adoration a week.  But do something to grow your own prayer life and fold that person who selected you as a person to guide them, into those prayers.  If you already pray for 30 minutes per day, give the candidate an extra five all to themselves.   (And this is forever so it doesn't stop because they're confirmed, confirmation is the beginning of their adult life in the church).  

2) Sacraments.  Confession and The Eucharist are a must.  Being as free from sin as possible requires vigilance in any soul, and being responsible for an other's formation will require extra graces.   

3) Educate yourself.  For some, the last time they attended a confirmation, it was their own.  Brush up on the sacrament, on the seven gifts, spend some time discerning what specific gifts of the Holy Spirit you most gravitate toward and why.  

4) Think of examples in your own life of when you've known the Holy Spirit acted through you, and begin telling them to the candidate.  Confirmation sponsors are to give testimony to the candidates of the reality of our faith.  The Holy Spirit isn't hocus-pocus.  It's the third person of the Trinity and very real.  You need to be ready to tell your story of your encounters.

5) Ask your candidate why they want to become an adult in the church.  Ask why they chose the saint they chose, what they liked about the service project, why they chose you as a sponsor.  Ask them what they think an adult in the church is supposed to do.  Ask them what they believe and why they believe it.  Be ready to listen and answer questions.  (That's why boning up on your own knowledge of the sacrament and focusing on your own encounters with the Holy Spirit are necessary prep work on your part).  

6) Spend time with your candidate.  Not just in prayer, not just at the sacrament, but on going, at lunch, at holidays, after masses over coffee and donuts.  You'll deepen your own faith even as you forge a lifelong friendship over what matters most.   

7) Lastly, ask your candidate to pray for you on a permanent basis.  

Good luck, and thanks for taking on this vital role in cultivating the faith of others.   

Milking Tiger

Last week, Tiger had contracts with Gatorade, Gillette, Tag Heur, Pepsi and Nike and many others. Before, he was the family guy driving the shining black Buick with his supermodel wife and beautiful kids. Then, it was revealed he had a bevy of women that rivaled Bill Clinton. Now, everyone including Tiger can agree that leaving pleading messages on multiple answering machines to “Erase the tapes” was Nixon type stupid.

Today, his sponsor list has probably dropped into negative numbers. With the number of women coming forward, restarting that gravy train of cash becomes Wood’s number one priority. In light of his desperate need, I offer the following suggestions for reversing his fiscal fortunes.


Solution #1: Humility and Ecology as a form of civic penance.

Picture the following ad with a split screen scene: Tiger on one side testifying, “Before, I drove a big SUV and cheated on my beautiful wife. I was dumb dumb dumb.” The offending SUV pollutes on other side.

“Then, I got caught.”

Pan to Al Gore scolding Tiger and lecturing him using his convenient Oscar winning video. Tiger is attentive, nodding, taking notes.

Next, we see Woods at his home in the morning chasing off a paparazzi. Tiger then digs through the garbage himself to find a coke can that hasn’t been recycled and makes sure the plastic and aluminum are properly sorted. (Promo dollars from Coke-cola for the spot ad without the negative affiliation).

“Now, I’m smart.” and the screen pulls away to show Tiger with his wife and kids all tucked snugly in a SmartCar as they drive off into the sunset.

Solution #2: Tiger has been a bad boy.

Go with it. There are beer commercials a waiting. The set is simple. Tiger holds an imported expensive exotic beer and smiles. Countless beautiful male and fem fatale fans gather to provide company, clearly happy to see him at the bar. “Drink this and you too can have scores of super model women, or at least be in the presence of people who you think look like super models after a few rounds.”

Alternatively, Viagra is currently camped on line two just waiting for Woods to sign on the dotted line to say, “When tonight’s the night for you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you.” Finish the plug with Tiger looking at the camera with that iconic smile and saying, “Hey, I’m a golfer. You got to finish the round.” And show him walking off the greens, club over his shoulder and a slew of hottie caddies in tow.

These commercials wouldn’t quite make the current laughable version of family hour but Tiger could hardly be charged with further coarsening of our culture any more than Bob Dole did by ogling skanky Brittany Spears and talking ED. A fabulously wealthy celebrity lacks moral standards. Move along people. Nothing to see here. Nothing new anyway.

Solution #3: Emergency

Tiger seems to have 911 on speed dial these days. I smell a great link in with On-Star. “Hello, this is Tiger.” “Hello Mr. Woods. Is this an accident involving alcohol or an assault by someone armed with a five iron?” He’s crouched in his car. Bonus cash from Volvo or whomever agrees to provide the vehicle. There is clear violent motion of golf clubs outside the windows but it’s muted and tastefully done.

Voice over:” On-Star. We’re available 24-7 even when you can’t reach your cell phone. (Show a woman’s hand flushing cell phone down the toilet). Getting a plug for the mobile phone might be a tough sell but there’s probably some start up company willing to pony up for the spot.

The ad closes with a final crossover coming from that All State guy walking up and mentioning that the car and the clubs are covered, and that he's in good hands.

So Tiger, take advantage of this crisis. This turn of events (admittedly brought on all by your own bad self) will allow for a whole new chapter in your story and when it settles down, you'll have a suitable resume to run for congress. In the meantime, if you need a ghost writer to help you carve out the sorted details in your tell all so you can turn a few more bucks and make the TV talk show rounds, I’m available. ($50,000.00 down, plus all travel expenses, 100,000.00 upon completion and 5% of the gross). If I'm going to cast ethical scruples aside like those super models, I'm going to at least be smart about it; a bargain, yes, but not cheap.

One last dig. Last week, Tiger announced he was giving up golf to work on his marriage. I'm no marriage counselor but I'm thinking, it isn't the golf he needs to give up.
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