Promises Promises

So most of my family lives in Texas near Houston, and I grew up a fan of the Astros.  They hold a soft spot in my heart.  Living here just outside of DC, we've been going to the Nationals games since they were in RFK.  We go every year. We've had partial season tickets for years with a group of friends, and not missed a season.  One daughter goes to the opening day with her dad every year. 

We have at last count, twenty Nat's hats, with about ten variations in the house.   So the Nats beat the Cardinals in 4, to be the NLCS Champions.   The Astros are battling the Yankees, and we always root against the Yankees.  I also root for the Astros. 

My sister sent a message that if we weren't rooting for the Astros in the World Series, she would fly up here, kidnap her Godson, and send him to reconditioning camp, complete with servings of BBQ, queso, Robert Earl Keen on Repeat and our Uncle Mike teaching the abbreviated history of the Independence of Texas. 

I told my son her threat.  He laughed and said, "Let's Go Nats." 

There Will Be Joy in Mudville

Last night, we went on a date to a sports bar for dinner.  We watched the Nats limp through 4 innings where they gradually gave up enough runs to whittle a 6-0 lead down to 1 in the fifth and final game of the playoff.  Driving home, we listened on  the radio.  We are still sick with the knowledge the Nationals ended their season in a painful 9-7 loss to the Cardinals.   The O's also had their run for the World Series destroyed by the Yankees this dark Friday.   To watch and love baseball is to know at any moment, it may be glorious and also, at any moment, your heart shall be broken.   It is part of the "of course it's hard. That's what makes it great." zen poetry of this sport. 

However this morning, my husband explained why this particular loss has more cosmic consequences than that beltway residents now must face only the perpetually disappointing Redskins and the dull soul sucking pain of election year politics:

My fellow baseball fans,

Seven hours removed from the disaster of the Nats' historic collapse at the hands of the Cards, and the O's anemic loss in New York, I have reached a conclusion:

Perhaps when the the Yankees meet to do battle in St. Louis in what will prove to be a fateful Game 7, the Mayans will finally be proven correct.

After 512 innings of improbable comebacks, 350 hits by heretofore unknown journeyman, 75 over -the-wall game saving catches, and 43 combined home runs between Ibanez and Descalso, the last man on the Yankees' bench, Alex Rodriguez, finally gets into the game, not as the highest paid hitter in history, but as a pitcher trying hold the Bronx Bombers' 1 run lead.

As A-Roid angrily strides toward the mound to face David Freese, the New Madrid fault line finally ruptures, sucking not only Busch Stadium but the entire planet into a black hole as every last ounce of the Earth's luck will have finally run out.

Wait 'til next year. If there is one.

Applying for a New Position

In this economy, every organization is looking to cut corners. Washington DC is no different than the rest of the nation. Now I am a patriot so I sympathize with the municipality in its thirst to trim budgets, spend less and get more for every dollar. As such, I am willing to make this sacrifice for the good of my family and the beltway crowd.

I will take on managing the Nationals, the Wizards and the Washington Redskins for the low low price of $400,000.00. I know I have no experience with coaching, with professional baseball, basketball or football but that wouldn't really matter. If I screwed up, I promise to let them fire me but they'd pay less for the same results.

Let's look at the hard stats.

The Nats: 59 wins, 103 losses. It's possible someone lacking baseball know how could rack up a worse record than the pro parasites currenty coaching but they'd have to be truely dedicated. Maybe management could have a fan appreciation day and let the 15,000th fan be coach for the day. It might improve attendance. The team might even get to the 15,000th fan. While batting 300 is a success in the major leagues, having a .341 winning percentage isn't.

The Wizards: In the 2008-2009 season, these guys racked up 19 wins and 63 losses. This is the stuff of legend. Statistically winning only 22% of the season, one wonders if it isn't just time to chuck it all and invite the President and all his men to come in and suit up. I hear they've got game and clearly these guys don't.

Redskins: They're only 2 and 4, but this was the easy part of the schedule, the seven years of bumper crop time. What do we have to show for it? We beat the Buccaneers. Tampa Bay has no wins, and the 'Skins beat them. Yeah us. The other team we beat, the also winless Saint Louis Rams. Before anyone gets too excited because we at least beat those two teams, the Lions who hadn't won since 2007, ended that streak against the Redskins. We gave hope to Detroit. 'Nuff said.

I promise to do as badly by taking naps in the dugout, blogging during practices and reading to my toddlers during training. All three teams will be in lousy condition, they will have no battle plan for the 2 minute drill, coming out of a fast break or to address the hapless fielding, sleepy bats and poor base running. Things will be no different than things are now, except, it will cost a lot less.

I'll be waiting by the phone expecting a call any day now.