The Sherry Spin Doctor's Phx

What a difference a week makes.

When my parents flew back home and my husband went back to work and I was left to manage all nine people by myself, originally I thought the reason my two toddlers washed their beanie babies in the toilet while I was nursing was pure payback.

The two stacks of unchacteristically less than awesome marks for two of my other children, I also chalked up to post I just got a new sibling regression. When four of my oldest five staged a rebellion over what they would wear for school pictures, neither my husband nor I thought these antics were anything but the reaction of baby bear to Goldilocks.

"She comes into my home, eats my food, breaks my things and took over my bed. When do we get to scare her into running away?"

However, the scope of assaults on my adult sensibilities made me pause to consider whether larger forces were at play. When the three year old pushes a chair to the freezer to acquire the stash of M&m's from the top shelf, one has to wonder if she was working alone. When the younger sister of said three year old mimics those actions to spill coffee grounds and rice on the freshly mopped floor, perhaps a review of the catechism on venial and mortal sin is in order.

But today, my daughter decided to paint her hair with orange juice while the four year old sang a soft lullaby to the new baby, "Baby Paul, I love you. You're so cute. You...can pick your nose." Meanwhile, my other toddler put her potty training seat on her head as a hat. It got stuck. My son forgot about a major project which we could have been working on over the four day weekend. There is a little grey "pet" that scampered through my kitchen. We also have play practice, softball playoffs and two orthodontist appointments scheduled for this weekend. Meanwhile, both cars decided this week to require intensive love. They were feeling unappreciated.

Our 401K tanked.

Yet, despite this post partum regression/recession, I remain in a state of Yoga like bliss.

Why?

The Island Park News has asked me to be a regular contributor for a column called "Fractured Motherhood Tales."

I washed my daughter's sticky orange hair.
It's all potential material. Natural Prozac just courses through my veins. And I’ve already come up with the perfect cure should I ever suffer writers block.

“Look kids, Mommy bought a whole pack of rainbow colored sharpies.”

For more Endorphine Soothing Experiences try .Humor-Blogs.com!

Reflections on the Election and the 850 Billion Dollar Bailout...

I want in on the pork pie.

I mean, I’m willing to be bought and what’s more, I’ll even tell you what you get for your 850 billion. You get a promise.

That’s right, a promise I’ll keep except if I don’t want to or deem it no longer valid.

I promise not to ask for more.

I also promise that all the problems will go away. If the taxpayers only pony up, all the problems will just disappear. At least, they will for me.

Until such a time as congress okays my modest proposal for bailing out a writer who hasn’t yet been foreclosed, invest in Euros or Campbell’s condensed soup and peanut butter. Maybe Ramen nooles.

I’d follow my own advice if my 401K was able to actual invest in anything but it’s losing money faster than I could spend it and that’s saying something.

From listening to his speeches and ads, Obama considers any alternative proposals associated with McCain or anyone with an “R” attached to their name, to be reckless, inequitable and misguided at best. For the good of the whole country, we should all just stop pretending we work for anyone but the government. We should be happy to do this because, as Joe Biden says, “It’s patriotic.”

Silly me, I thought we fought a revolution to be able to pay less.

But, Obama says it’s fair so it must be. He went to Harvard and is a supra genius type guy with all the answers and wisdom necessary to fix everything.

Let’s just say, he’d better be.

Obama’s tax plan proposes that 95% of the country can fairly ride on the back of the remaining 5%. I’m not sure how that is actually fair as much as it is advantageous to the plurality of voters.

Taxing the rich will of course, in no way affect the rest of the country. The wealthy in that 5% won’t say…lay off workers, cut budgets or adjust their businesses, raising costs to limit damage to themselves. No. They’ll stay status quo, as if they were playing economic freeze tag and just got touched and have to wait for permission to move. Yeah. That will happen.

The CEOS, business owners with excessive largess and people making more than 250K themselves in profit will look at that tax plan and say, “Tag, you’re it.” and the middle class, small businesses and lower class will get to munch a bunch of dollars they didn’t get a vote on to implement, and can’t afford.

Understand if he wins, I will hope that he's absolutely right.

Obama has always wanted change, but found each step along the way towards power that the influence he had acquired was insufficient to the job to create an actual brave new world. So, being smart, he always sought the next level of leadership to be able to affect the world of influence he had just left. Thus, the community organizer became a two year state senator and then a two year senator running for president. But will being President be sufficient? I mean, you can’t control for outside factors if you only rule one country.

If he is the one we’ve been waiting for, for heaven’s sake and earth’s, let’s name him King of the World now. Why wait for the election? Crown the man already.

Then, let’s find out what’s in his 401K.

For more FREE humor, less painful than taxes or looking at your quarterly reports, .Humor-Blogs.com!

Ensuring Your Economic Security

The politicians would love to have you believe that they hold in their policies, the answers to all your economic woes. But I know the truth. Republican, Libertarian or Democrat, if you want to ensure your own future fiscal success, there is a simple way to guarantee success!

Find out what we do. Then do a direct 180!

Want proof? Reasonable, and what's more, demonstrably effective as versus any plans put forth by those seeking higher office.

When we were first married, we lived in New York. What better place to live on the income of one teacher than NYC?

Then we moved to Houston, where naturally, with housing prices being so profitably low, we rented an apartment. Eventually, we broke down and bought a second car, even though my job was across the street from where we rented. About the time we doubled our expenses, I stopped working to take care of our first born. Naturally, having shed my job, it was now time to move again.

So we moved to the third most expensive place in the United States, after NYC and California, Washington DC. Once again, we chose to rent. We opted not to enter into the 401K at the time and refused to buy stock for fear there would be a crash. After all, the Dow Jones had never crested over 1000 before.

Five years and four children later, we bought a house. The housing market promptly went insane, but we could not capitalize as we had only just purchased and would have to hold our asset. Five years more passed. We had our house bought by the state and purchased a new one. The housing market is now in a free fall.

So, in the interest of preserving friends and family's fiscal health, I issue this warning. I opened a savings account today.