Not Ready for Anything Beyond Today

Somehow, a three day weekend threw me off royally.  This Tuesday reminds me of when one of my children goes to a friend's home for a night, my rhythm the next morning is missing.  The void of that presence, even if they're normally not up early in the day seems to color everything else around me, as I can think of 1000 things I'd do with the one child that's missing.   Likewise, if I'm out with only some of my children, my arms keep reaching out and my eyes keep darting about worrying that I'm missing someone.  It's some how harder to keep count when there are less than the full ten at my side. 

Getting ready for graduation and one child moving on into the beginning of the adult world, my brain starts to swim with all the changes that will come once September rolls around.  Paul will be in a pre-school somewhere but we're still in the process of going through placement.  Five will be in elementary/middle school,  one in high school and that leaves a four year old who should go to pre-school but I'm waiting to figure out what the fall schedule will be before I can act, and the baby.   The juggling of three schools plus college threatens to overwhelm me even before we start.     

And then the immediate needs of my family snap me to my senses. The girls want a snack, Paul needs a change and the baby wants a bottle.  I have to take care of today.  That's it.  When today is in September, I will take care of that day, but right now, we're finishing May and I just have to work with these 24 hours and understand that I can grow anxiety any time I want, but it won't help with the tasks at hand now or then, so I should just weed those strangling vines of thought out of my head, pulling them for as long as they snare until there is nothing left.  

Today we have a driver's test and I have to reschedule an annual physical for two of my children; the older ones have band and I need to pay the bills and water the garden as it is 89 degrees outside.  I have two chickens and some potatoes to cook for dinner that should start in the oven around 4, and three thank you notes to write.   Plenty to manage in one day, no need to borrow from a tomorrow ninety days away. 

Time can crush the spirit if we allow the clock to rule the mind; measuring every moment like a commodity to be used, frittered, drained, wasted.  The day becomes a dreadful manifest of what we don't get to or don't finish. My to do list likes to nag that way; complaining every moment I'm on task and all the time I'm not.  Fortunately I have one daughter who makes the whole sun and a car out of construction paper and another girl who attacking the paper with a confidence despite not knowing what her drawing will be.  My baby plays with my nose and tries to hold her bottle while keeping her eyes locked on mine.  Her face flowers into a wide smile and my son creates his own world with a toy truck, giraffe, tiger, zebra and farmer at the table.  It's hard to get worked up about all that needs to be done when so much is happening in these slow unscheduled minutes.  

So I am not ready for anything beyond today, but thankfully, I have been reminded, that's all I have to be ready to do.  

Mothering the Sous Chef Way

You know those cooking shows where the smiling perfectly coifed chef whips up four fabulous healthy dishes in 30 minutes? They have a secret. A sous chef.
For those out there who don’t follow cooking shows –I’m a closet addict. Even when we didn’t have cable, when I’d be at a hotel, I watch them in a binge style fashion, trying to digest every tip and dish by channel surfing the Food Network, Every Day with Rachel Ray and whatever chef being showcased on Lifestyle. Between that and repeated watchings of Ratatouille, I learned a sous chef pre-prepares everything for the headlined chef. Measuring salt, cutting chives, defrosting the food, scoring the meat, peeling the garlic, that sort of thing that adds time and usually mess to cooking.

We don’t see a chef pondering…I have frozen sausage, peas, whole wheat pasta which the kids hate, no butter, no milk and we’re out of diet coke. What am I making for dinner?

We don’t see the chef on TV then feebly put the sausage, peas and wheat pasta together with a can of stewed tomatoes to earn universal displeasure. We don’t actually ever see the chefs sit down to eat more than a bite of their creations. Okay, so maybe we do have one thing in common.

I started studying the other Home tip shows and they have the equivalent of sous chefs for everything. When they are showing how to fold laundry better, their dryer is not overstuffed with towels. The load is small, manageable and no happy meal toys are pulled out of a sock melted and molded to the interior. Nothing is accidentally pink. The sous chef of washing and drying must have presorted and ensured that the wash was done before it became the size of a baby mastodon.

When the hosts of “Better TV for Women” kind of shows goes to the grocery store, her cart is organized, neat and does not have six boxes of mac&cheese, frozen waffles and canned pineapple. No. Her cart has shredded cheese, the makings for Swedish filled pancakes and fresh pineapple from Hawaii.

My cart overflows to a second cart. Lodged between the Ragu and the Laundry detergent, 12 pack of paper towels and size six and four and two diapers, there have been reported sightings of actual vegetables and fruits (Carrots, potatoes and bananas) and there is a large vat of ketchup. Her cart has brussel sprouts which will be braised in freshly bought balsamic vinegar with endive. She also has a perky little pint of kumquats for flavor and color and a large gallon size jug of vinegar –for cleaning, but I don’t see any serious supplies like SOS pads or toilet scrubbers.

Mine cost $231.47 and has fish sticks and will feed ten I hope for one week.

Hers has fresh fish, feeds four and will last one night. People who have sous chefs don't do frozen.
Our carts contents cost the same.

She pays in cash if they bother to show her checking out, where as I am the debit master, who then has to opt for a credit card because my debit card has decided it’s not feeling well today and won’t go through.

I want a sous chef life experience where I am the master chef. I want to live unharried, unhurried, unhasselled by undefrosted meats and undeterred by mere minor inconvient truths like picky eaters and budgets.

So starting today, I decided I need an army of sous chefs. I am going to train all my little darlings to be sous chefs in different areas of life and thus I will be the host of my own reality show. “Mothering the Sherry Way” or “Ten Children and How They Sous.”

In my fantasy reality tv show, the Oldest, every day will Sous the garbage in the house by patrolling the cans of the house. He also has the honor of helping with the lawn and providing free babysitting. "It's a sous thing." I'll explain. Next in line shall have the sousing of the bathrooms, wiping the counters and windexing the mirrors, securing toilet paper if necessary. The third shall sous the dishwasher, emptying it before next round of dishes are needed. The fourth shall sous the beds, making them. The fifth shall sous the kitchen floor with a vacuum. The youngest two ambulatory shall wipe the table and pick up all the toys on the floor to put in a basket. Like the little dishes for condiments in cooking shows, I’ll have baskets for everything.

With the Sous method in place, I will be able to brush my hair and smile in my freshly laundered apron as I explain how to make dinner when all you have is frozen sausage, wheat pasta and peas. “You pick up the phone and dial 1-800-PIZZA ME!”

Small Successes Thursday

Every week, we stop and count the victories that are part of every day.  It's hard to remember to recognize that the business of mothering is measured in moments ;in all those times when we don't get caught up in whether or not we got to everything on our to-do list, but whether we knew when to stop doing the to-do list to do what matters most. 

Success is measured in the times we read one more story, stopped folding and went outside to kick a soccer ball or spent some time we'd prefer to be busy, being present to those around us, showing love in the methods that are in many cases, out of our comfort zone.  For me, I love to show love by doing works  (chores of the house) and (obviously) words.  So it is important for me to remember to use touch (hugs, rubs), to give time (stories, games) and gifts (cards, remembering birthdays, anniversaries, etc, sending letters). 

So this week I:

1) introduced my third grade to the real world of Harry Potter by reading the first chapter aloud.  She's hooked. 

2) taught my son to play Sodoku.  Think he will find this a great challenge and a lot of fun.

3) Spent time playing cards with the kids on Sunday.

4) Working on continuing the rosary on a daily basis. 

5) Made a pitch to a magazine, they said yes.  Now I have to write the article.  Have begun research. 

6) Did yoga one day and one daughter joined me and is really into it, so she is trying to get me to do it with her.  I need to stop resisting because there are other things to do and do it. 

Have some successes to share?  Don't be shy!  Either leave your list (3 or more) in the comments or use Mr. Linky to let us know to visit your blog.  Then go visit the other blogs that participated this week, meet some voices in the blogosphere and discover you aren't alone in the struggle to every day pour out something more than yourself for others.