Boiled Water

Today, one of my teenagers was having a hard day.  One of THOSE sorts of days.  He also was making a late lunch of macaroni and cheese.  He'd set up a pot and started the water, but not before engaging in a bit of sniping at two different siblings, reducing both to tears and making his mother quite annoyed. 

Talking now seldom generates any response worth noting.  I've shown him scripture as a means of illustrating that this problem of needing to have a well trained tongue is something people have struggled with since the beginning.  I've tried separating him, giving back exactly what is given, (that fails majorly), and promises of major chores or punishment for continued backtalk and insults of his siblings.  Yet I know within him is a reverent soul, a generous soul, the first to give to the homeless, to buy a treat for his younger sister.  He's also the most prayerful I've ever seen serve mass, a man with great humor is growing within, he just is as of yet, not fully capable of regulating his thoughts, his words or his deeds.  He is disciplined, he is quiet, he is loud, he is silly, he is competitive, he is courageous, he is a loner who is lonely.  It is a delicate and difficult process, this raising a human being to become a man.  I know his many fine qualities and I know his faults and regrettably, sometimes in the course of parenting, he reveals mine.

After he stormed off insisting on the discussion staying only on the particular incident whereas I was seeking to get him to see a larger pattern, I noticed his pot was boiling over.  I added a dash of salt and then the pasta and set the timer and waited for him to return.   A fleeting prayer not to lose my temper caused me to visualize dashing all my frustrations and even seemingly righteous wrath at his callous responses to me and MY children at Christ's nailed feet.  I knew I was part of the problem, I wasn't quite yet ready to own it.  I too wanted to point to the particulars when Christ was pointing to the larger pattern. 

"Thanks for starting my lunch." he said. It was a teen version of an apology and I knew it. 
"You're welcome.  You know, sometimes, a little thing can cause something bigger to boil over.  It just takes the right amount of heat." 

He nodded.  "Are we talking about macaroni and cheese?"

"We could be.  But sometimes it takes a lot of heat and even boiling over to make something that is hard and impossible into something warm and softer." 

We talked about how bad moods are contagious, how they destroy this place, this family, how they prevent the family from being what it should be, a source of hope and health and warmth and comfort, as well as structure, discipline, guidance and patience.  Bad moods and insults tear down the place, the people that should be your source of hearth and home and love.  No one should have to be on guard in their own house against a barbed tongue or a wrathful spirit, not from a parent or a child, and being a teen or a parent of a teen is not an excuse.  I needed to become softer too. 

He nodded again as I handed him his lunch.  "I love you son."  "Sorry Mom."  and he sat down to eat.  

I can only become softer and warmer by being thrown in the hot water with a touch of salt. Mental note to keep pasta in the house until adolescence passes over, and maybe learn not to be so stubborn and stiff necked myself too. 

Lawn Chair Catechism (I know, back to back)

This week, for discussion at Catholicmom.com, we are discussing initial curiosity, which is a call of the soul to the Creator, when the soul wakes up to God, and begins to grasp out, desiring to understand and to know Him, more than senses and intellect and experience combined have revealed absent active pursuit. 

In your own faith:

• Can you remember when you became “curious” about the faith – whether as a convert, revert, or cradle Catholic just waking up to mature discipleship?
• How would you explain the difference between an active and passive faith?

I know myself in particular, I am constantly being reminded of my appalling dearth of curiosity. But we're supposed to be drawn in deeper, to become curiouser and curiouser when it comes to fathoming the infinite mystery that is God.  

Thus I can state, I grow in fitful and sometimes manic spurts of fervent curiosity, followed by exhausted overwhelmed slack.    At the start the Year of Faith, I was doing the daily rosary, reading a psalm a day, reading the daily readings and then it got to be too much, and like a child made to read something beyond her comprehension, I shut down and fell away to doing nothing.  Then, I got pushed to start again.  I am a lurching runner in this faith marathon, who walks and sometimes just stands, but hasn't quit trying to push through all of it.  

Seven years ago, when I started writing in earnest, I created a file on my computer, the Catholic Apologist Education file, and began collecting articles I liked, websites, and began seeking to know more, to read more, to actually pick up books on faith.  Before then, I admit, I allowed my Catholicism to be formed purely by experience and the senses, but not the intellect.  

So I would argue, an active faith uses everything we have, whereas a passive one allows some part of the mind, body or heart to sleep, so that the soul stays less aware, is less likely to be seized by the words of God and thus called to leap in some fashion, into deeper relationship.   We are always in danger of falling asleep (even the apostles did this on serious occasions), and so Jesus even says, "Stay awake!"  I would also say, the Holy Spirit uses whatever we give Him, to try and wake the whole of us.   So if we are active in the mind in our pursuits of God, He will bring us people, so that we may know Him better.  If we are active in the body in our pursuit of God, He will push us toward prayer.  If we are fervent in prayer, He will push us toward contemplation.  Whatever we are doing, is baseline, God will always draw us to deeper waters, because He longs for us to know Him infinitely. 

How do we keep from slumbering in our relationship with God? Read.  Pray.  Listen.  Act.  Repeat.

An active faith is deliberate, and thus adult.  A passive faith is organic and led only, which eventually leads to not seeking to be led, and then to not following, and then not faith.   

Lawn Chair Catechism

In chapter five we explore the first threshold, “Initial Trust."

 This is not the same as an active, personal faith.  It is a positive association with the Church that makes it possible to move closer to God.  It could be a Catholic friend, a good experience with a Catholic school or hospital, or maybe even a positive image of the faith portrayed in a movie or book:
The first task of evangelization is to find out if a bridge of trust already exists.

. . . Many don’t trust God or the Church, by they do trust a Christian in their life.  Maybe they trust you.  You may be the bridge that will one day lead them to a life-changing encounter with Christ.

For discussion: Join the conversation over at Catholicmom.com!

In your own faith:

• How was the bridge of trust built for you?
• Who are the people who helped you to come as far as you have in your personal journey?
• Have you ever been that link of trust for another person?

For me, the bridge of trust in God was built prayer by prayer, mass by mass, person by person. That sounds a bit trite but it is how faith has grown in me.   People think because I have ten children, I always had a full Catholic life, but to be Catholic is to constantly recognize that your faith life is not full, that it is a drop in the ocean, that it will never be full, that we will never have "made it."  I can see where I have gone from a casual Catholic 2-3 mass or 1-2 if the month was bad...to a more conscious Catholic --where the mass became important..to a praying Catholic....where daily prayer became necessary, if not always pious, good or disciplined....to now as I am casting about, holding fast and waiting for firm direction as to what we are to do and the grace to do it.   This growth in devotion has seasoned over years and has ebbs and flows and miracles and times of extreme zeal and of fitful forgetfulness. 

When have I been a bridge of trust to others?   When I have been approached to pray. It is always an honor and a privilege to be asked to pray, and I am always moved, particularly when I am asked by people who do not know me well, and it has happened.  It is a tremendous thing that causes me to tremble, when I am asked.  I take it seriously because it is a charge, and a push both from the person and the Holy Spirit, to deepen my own relationship with God while petitioning for someone else.  

People who have helped me on my journey...aside from my husband, parents and children, there have been people who were pushers to move me to the next level of devotion, to move me out of my comfort zone, to make my "aren't I doing enough?" whiny soul move. God perpetually "moves my cheese."

To begin:  I prayed before going to college, that I would meet someone who loved me for me.  On the third day, I met the man who would become my husband.  I'd also prayed to have lots of people who loved me.  Ten kids constitutes a lot.   Some times I suddenly am struck, this prayer, this prayer you prayed has been answered. The thought comes like lightning, random and yet illuminating and I am dumbstruck in the moment. I knew my prayer was answered with the explanation point that was my daughter Anna, the tenth.  I could hear God laughing, answering, "I will give you all you ask and more besides."  Initial trust led to more intimate trust. 

The story arc continues.  When my oldest son was set to go to kindergarten, we couldn't get into the school, and I was told to get involved in the parish if this was my desire.  Trusting this advice, I signed up. The church came back and asked me to volunteer for a three year commitment of once a week meetings.  Somehow, I impulsively took a deep breath and agreed.  We trusted, and as I was pulled deeper in, my family followed.  We kept trusting as God gave us our fourth and then...when we got to five children, I was introduced to Father Dan.  He pulled us deeper in with requiring more regular prayer out of me, he pulled us to making it to mass every week.  Paul and his needs pushed us further still. 

Now we are here, we are going to mass, we are praying, and I know we're at one of those "Now what?" type moments of our faith, when we don't know how we're going to keep doing this but we're still doing this, and even writing this has made me realize, we're needing someone to help direct us deeper in, to help make the next part of our faith journey, more deliberate.  But to move forward, will once again require on our part, initial trust.