In Defense of REMing...

"Honey? It's seven-thirty, time to get up."

"Did you know that Darpa-funded scientists might have found a drug that will eliminate sleepiness?"

"No. You're awfully informed for having just woke up."

"Radio was left on last night, woke up at 2, heard the report. Couldn't sleep so it was interesting."

"Why didn't you just turn it off?"

"It was interesting. It's a nasal spray containing a naturally occurring brain hormone called orexin A. It reversed the effects of sleep deprivation in monkeys, allowing them to perform like well-rested monkeys on cognitive tests."

"Really? So are you a well rested monkey?"

"No."

"So tell me more about this interesting report."

"Well, I started thinking about the commercials they'd run, inbetween change of possession on ESPN Monday Night Football. A College student wearing a HARVARD sweatshirt looks earnestly at the camera. “I was a party all night kind of guy in high school. Getting a good night’s sleep just wasn’t in the cards and my grades showed it. Now, thanks to Orexin A, I aced my SAT’s and I’m living the IVY LEAGUE life.”

"What are you talking about?..."

"Well, this could really change our society. I've been thinking about the possibilities. Night schools would flourish. Law firms would revamp themselves after hospitals, having clients served by lawyers who worked ten hour shifts managing the same patients, selling their profession with lower salaries and better hours. Early Early shows would become the venue for b-list stars to try and create followings and comebacks."

"Did you get any sleep last night?"

"A little, why do you ask?"

"You're flakier than usual."

"No. I'm informed. I even remember the researcher's name. Hah! Try that gassed monkey. Dr. Michael Twery, he's the director of the National Center on Sleep Disorders Research, said that while research into drugs for sleepiness is "very interesting," he cautioned that the long-term consequences of not sleeping were not well-known."

"Really? I'll phone him now, extreem nuttiness and oddly strong retentive recall powers abound."

"Thanks. But this medication worries me. As a devout wearer of bunny slippers, I want my bedtime! I need my winding down time to read a book, take a bath and brush my teeth. I need to stretch out on the mattress and say, “Yes…no more work for today.” And I don’t want that time to become an indulgence rather than a necessity."

"You don't own bunny slippers."

"Figure of speech love. If this medication becomes as ubiquitous as caffeine and chocolate and Viagra and allergen meds, society will expect us to put in 20 hour days. No thank you. Being able to excuse the fact that I haven’t written the Christmas cards yet or folded all the clothing on the fact that even I, need at least six to eight hours of down time to function, will become unreasonable. I don’t want another 56 hours in the week when I could be doing something."

"Me neither."

"As the medication becomes more popular, not taking it will be viewed as a form of sloth."

"Like not having a cell phone is considered being unprofessional?"

"Exactly. No one used to expect that people would be 100% reachable after hours or on vacation but now, everyone gets annoyed if you don't return an email after two hours."

"Bet it's unhealthy."

"It may not cause mood swings or have unpleasant side effects, but purposeful stillness absent being dead is something this society is rapidly losing as an experience. It’s odd, we go to work at jobs where we scarcely move, to earn money we seldom physically touch, to the gym to walk without getting anywhere, and with this new technological advance, perhaps to a bed but not perchance to sleep or dream. Not counting the time we spend stuck in traffic, where we wait to move, our lives are becoming one long sisyphian pursuit of the unreal. How much more of our lives can we find a way to render superfluous to working?"

"One would imagine that the refined versions of these same medications will eventually reach a point of being able to make sleep utterly unnecessary."

"Being on call 24-7 is one thing. Being awake 24-7 is another. I’m tired just considering the possibility."

"Me too. Are you getting up now?"

"No! In fact, in civic protest and in case this ever comes to pass, I am sleeping in today, while it's still socially acceptable. Carpe REM!"

"Alright. Alright, I'll get up and turn off the alarm."

Growing up a kid in the 21th Century

Inspired by an email from a friend...

Gizmo's, Electronics, Gadgets......

The unreal world has become more and more what we live in than the actual. We have virtual selves, virtual profiles, virtual friends, virtual lives that are oddly not without actual consequences. Where is the Virtue in that kind of living?

"Son, I know it's vacation and all, but it's been four days and you haven't left the house. I'm taking you outside."

"Where?"

"Here, put these on." Gives kid sunglasses.

"Cool, Virtual world huh? Awesome."

"No, we're just going outside."

"Woah, the graphics are intense. And the sensory imputs, I'm feeling heat on my arms."

Present kid with a stick.

"Is this the controller? Or a wand? Where are the buttons?"

"There are no buttons."


"Nothing is happening? Maybe it needs batteries or the blue tooth wireless network is down."

"There are no batteries."

"By the way, cool graphics, three dimentional, very fine, wonder how many pixels resolution this is."

"There are no pixels....You're outside..."

"No pixels huh? So this is new technology, wireless light resolution based rather than computer generated pictures? Awesome."

"Put your hand in this sandbox."

"It feels so real."

"It IS Real."

"You know Dad, I would have been happy with an Xbox 360 but this Virtual world room rocks! Where are the walls and the remote? I want to dial up a beach scene."

"Glad you like it. Now son, in this game, there are no resets. Everything is realtime. There are no savespots either."

"Wow. That's a tough game. So when you lose, you lose huh?"

"Yes son. So play well."

"Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"I don't think I'm ready yet for this intense a gaming experience. What do I do with the stick?"

T'was the Day After Christmas

T’was the day after Christmas
The whole house was a mess
From the overabundance
Celebrating great blessedness.

The Children were scattered,
At peace with their toys
While the mother wandered aimlessly
The House had been destroyed.

With ribbons on the sink
And the wrappers flung everywhere
She reached for the chocolate
She wasn’t going to share.

The tree it still sparkled
The open piles of loot still loomed.
And today was trash day
Her oldest son groaned.

When what to her trained suburban eyes should appear
The Garbage trucks’ early,
it’s practically here!

Come William, Come Bonnie
Come Marta, Come Pete
Grab a bag and make a sweep
Get your shoes on your feet!

To the end of the driveway
They flew like a flash,
Pulling the cans
Overpiled with trash.

It was touch and go there
For a moment but then,
The garbage truck stopped.
He said, “Merry Christmas My friends.”

And he pushed a button
And those great metal doors
Crushed the bags and the boxes.
My toddlers were floored.

They each wanted a try
And the man he obliged
And a line formed behind us
Of the neighborhoodside.

For Fifteen minutes,
People brought out their stuff.
And had fun pushing buttons
Then I said, “That’s enough.”

I wrote him a check
And he got a few tips
For being kind on a day
Famous for hangovers and sales slips.

The Merry Garbage man
Continued his route
Then I remembered,
“It’s recycling day too. Shoot!”

Happy Boxing Day! Many Happy Returns...